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Memorial Tattoo for Miscarriage February 28, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 9:36 pm
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I find it thoroughly interesting that for 6 solid weeks my tattoo has been all the rage on my site (look to the right on my sidebar under top posts — see it? — yep, since I started this journey it has been a top post). Literally, every single day someone looks at it at least twice in the picture I posted. The post, and others related to that final one, gets an average of 10 hits per day. Some days it gets almost 20 hits. There are a myriad of searches done on different search engines for “miscarriage tattoo”, “memorial tattoo”, “baby angel tattoo”, “angel tattoo”, and others. I can see these things when I check my blog stats. And every day I am amazed that it continues.

Many women have suffered a miscarriage. Many have suffered more than one. It’s almost a silent suffering for us because we are left with the monthly reminders that we are no longer pregnant — and so we still suffer. For how long? I guess that all depends on the individual. Maybe until the next baby arrives healthy and vibrant? Maybe it never stops. Maybe losing a child no matter if it was by choice, by chance, or by accident — maybe we never get over that.

Anyway, the tattoo has completely healed, I am happy to say. It looks awesome! I am a modest dresser so it doesn’t show outside of my clothes other than when I’m around the house in my nightgown or if I am wearing a tank top. When I know I’m going to be in the sun any length of time I keep it covered because getting a tan (or, worse, a burn) over a tattoo can do damage to it. I still ask Rich to put lotion on it after I shower, but other than that it’s life as usual. It doesn’t itch anymore either which is fantastic b/c I was really starting to get tired of not being able to scratch between my shoulder blades. Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since I got it. And I still love it!

Let this be a reminder to each of you who reads this. Women who suffer miscarriages don’t get over it in a week or two. It is a deeply felt loss. It takes time to work through the pain and disappointment. It’s a hard thing to believe when you’re faced with it in the doctor’s office or while bleeding it out on the toilet. It is physically painful for women who choose (or had no choice) to allow it to happen naturally. Having a D&C is no picnic either. Waiting to go into surgery frayed my emotions. I had so many doubts and worries wondering if I was doing the right thing. Going home knowing what happened during the procedure and knowing that my baby was no longer in my body was heartwrenching. Trying to lose that weight I had gained has been an uphill battle (and I still haven’t lost it all). Packing away the maternity clothes I had just started to wear brought me to my knees. The fact that I still can’t fit into my normal size is a daily reminder of what happened. The fact that I have had a period every month since is another painful reminder of my loss.

I don’t dwell on it. I seriously don’t. But it has caused a change in me. I can feel the tug of depression. I still carry the weight upon my shoulders. I still have days when I just want to curl up in bed and sleep and sleep and sleep. I am not the same.

But, if one person can be touched by what I’ve been through…

…well, let me just say I am glad to help. If you need help or just want to vent I will be here for you.

I love my baby. I prayed so hard for that baby. I hope someday to be able to share the entire story. But, for now, it’s too soon. Things of my past that I am over are not hard for me to conjure up for these posts. But this one thing is too fresh. It’s still very painful for me. I am still dealing with it.

So hang tight. I will share someday.

Have a wonderful night. And thanks, again, for visiting Candid Chatter. We arrived at 2000+ hits today. I am so completely touched by your visits! I truly am.

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41 Responses to “Memorial Tattoo for Miscarriage”

  1. Meeco Says:

    thank you for your continued postings on this….it really helps me know someone out there feels what i feel

  2. candidchatter Says:

    XO to you Meeco!

  3. lsbabies Says:

    I am always blown away by how you can put so much of what you feel into your writing. It’s very powerful.
    (((Hugs!)))
    I’m proud of you!

  4. candidchatter Says:

    You’re sweet, Lauren. Thank you! XO!!

  5. Jodi Says:

    I just wanted to say that I was in the process of searching for tattoo ideas to honor my child that we recently miscarried. When I found your blog. My husband and I already have 2 beautiful children and I am very thankful for that, but i believe that a tattoo honoring our unborn baby will be a constant reminder for me that that baby was a peice of me and will always be with me, if not physically.. emotionally. I can’t wait to find the perfect tattoo for me! Thanks for putting into words exactly what i’m feeling…..

  6. candidchatter Says:

    Jodi: I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. I understand completely your desire to have a lifelong reminder of that child who you’ll always love and long for. Good luck finding the right tattoo for you. Be sure to find the right tattoo artist, as well. The man who did mine has also experienced loss through miscarriage. He was very sensitive to my situation and gave me one awesome tattoo. Big Hugs to you!! Thanks for your comment!

    Heidi

  7. tatoosandscars Says:

    Hey Heidi!
    I am excited to find your blog, and more specifically, this post!! I am in the process of collecting stories about how people are influenced by their tattoos….if you feel inspired, I would love to add your story!

    -leah

  8. Melinda Says:

    I had a miscarriage as well. It has been almost a year and i still get really emotional about it, I will be getting a tattoo soon in memory. The tattoo is exactly what I chose as well. I don’t know when I will ever get over it. Maybe, as you said, I will feel better when i have a child to care for myself.
    This is very touching!

  9. candidchatter Says:

    Melinda: I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. Good luck choosing a design for your tattoo. I love mine. Love it! I am pregnant again and everything seems to be going just wonderfully this time. I turned 17 weeks gestation today. Well past the most dangerous time for a miscarriage, thank God. I have to say it has helped heal me, but I still haven’t forgotten that little one I lost less than a year ago. I still ask God to give him/her a kiss for me when I pray. Keep in touch and thanks for the comment. XO!

    Heidi

  10. tonyyork Says:

    My wife and I have 4 children waiting under God’s loving eyes as well. I can’t answer for how she feels about the miscarriages today because we don’t really talk about it too much. I am sure that she is like me and wonders what they would have been like had they made it to this world. I am forever an optimist so I look forward to the day when we will be reunited and I get to meet them.

    The first one happened about 14 years ago and the last one was about 5 years ago. I have let go of all the pain and have traded it for patient anticipation.

  11. Human Says:

    Dear Heidi

    I found this post very moving and valuable. We had two miscarriages before our son arrived. The first was really horrible (esp. for my wife of course), physically and emotionally. The second was just grim: it had all become so medicalised by then.

    After the first we talked a lot and we commemorated it. We couldn’t face Christmas that year (when the baby would have been due) so we actually went on holiday to an Islamic country for a couple of weeks.

    That was all ten years ago and we have an 8 year old boy. The pain will never go away, it just kind of goes to sleep. This post of yours woke it up again (in a nice way – feels good to say hello before singing it to sleep again).

    Apart from anything else this is by far the most sensible reason for a tattoo that I’ve ever come across. It doesn’t surprise me at all that you get so many visitors.

    Sorry for blubbing, and thanks again for the post.

  12. stacie Says:

    I just wanted to say hello and thanks for your posting. You did a great job of conveying what so many women go through with this devastating loss. I’m coming off my third miscarriage in less then 2 years now. I know I don’t ever want to be pregnant again and we are struggling over adoption. What I once thought was such a natural and normal progression in life, has turned my world upside down. And since there isn’t any physical or tangible remains of what I’ve been through, people so easily forget that I lost a life, maybe not someone they’ve ever met, but someone who was ALIVE and their heartbeat inside of me. I wish people would just get that…just b/c I look ok doesn’t mean I am or ever will be the same again.
    Anyway – yes I came across your site b/c I’m going to get a tattoo in Dec with some girl friends for a “birthday get together”. I’ve decided I want an “angel baby” tattoo, or at least wings. I know I’d like 3 halo’s to represent each baby, two pink and one blue, to represent their respective genders. Are there any special sites you recommend for ideas?

    Thanks again :)
    Stacie

  13. Amber Jackson Says:

    thank u so much for sharing ur loss….i just had a miscarriage on my birthday on november 5 2008….it is so hard to deal with….i was almost 11 weeks along….and each and every day i cry over it….u were right when u said u don’t just get over quick….it definietly is a process….thank you so much

  14. candidchatter Says:

    Stacie and Amber: I sent you both personal e-mails. Thank you for commenting and big hugs to you both!!

    Heidi Reed

  15. eviejane Says:

    i fpound this site looking to find a tattoo that will stay with me forever i have had 5 early miscarriages and lost my baby girl at 17 weeks into pregnancy in december not a day goes by that i dont cry a tear for my babies and i want to give part of my body to them i have two healthy children and they are my life but i miss my angels so much i wish you all the luck for tomorrow and always

  16. Jazmin Says:

    I just had a miscarriage a month ago and trying so hard to make it through each day, I have my faith in the one above and Know that my lil Nathan Emanuele is in good hands, I have two amazing lil Princess that keep me and my hubby going, but my heart is still so broken. we planted a tree for him and I’m hoping to get a tattoo of the fist flower that blossomed from it but i don’t know what to put on the bottom of it. I am sorry for everyone’s lost on here you don’t know the pain till you have gone though it and I feel everyone’s pain. May God peace and Love be in your hearts.

  17. candidchatter Says:

    EvieJane: I’m sorry, honey. It must be so difficult for you. The only thing that healed my pain and yearning for my lost Angel Baby is my little Jack who was born in January. He doesn’t “replace” my Angel, but he does heal my hurt. Thanks for commenting.

    Jazmin: (I sent you an e-mail, and I’m posting it here too) I am so deeply sorry for your loss. It isn’t easy losing a baby and it takes a lot of time to heal. The tree is a beautiful idea as is the tattoo of the blossom. You’ll find something to have written. Maybe his name and due date or date you lost him or month you lost him or year or “forever” like me? You’ll find the right thing for you. Feel free to visit my blog anytime. I’ll admit, it’s not really about my miscarriage anymore. I’ve had another baby… Jaxon was born in January. I feel my loss has been reconciled. If I hadn’t lost my Angel Baby I would not have Jaxon. Not that he replaces that child. But he has helped me heal the most. Good luck to you and your family and may God bless you always.

    Heidi Reed

  18. ejaybaby Says:

    I have had 6 miscarriages. The last was the worst thou we had done IVF we new from the first possible moment. I was monitored the entire time. We thought if we made it to the 12wk mark we were ok, i was 11 wk and 4days. To make things even worse the day after we returned the embryos to me my father passed away. So i thought maybe he let go knowing i would be happy.
    We did another IVF right away because we are military and we were moving and wasnt sure what kind of Dr we would get where we moved. It failed. So now we are starting on another IVF cycle last one. I will have to give up.
    I cant seem to get through a day without my little ultrasound book and crying. I have one child and very grateful i just didnt want my son to grow up an only child. It just makes me sad to think about it that way.
    I was considering a tatoo because i could remember all of my little angels. Thank you for your time.

  19. Lindsay Says:

    Hi we just lost our baby two days ago already i have picked my tattoo in memory of my very much wanted baby.

    I want the tattoo so soon i think because i lost my baby just a week befor my first scan so i have nothin of my baby.

    your web page is amazin your so brave to put into words how you and so many of us feel after a loss like this.

    I hope in the future you go on to have a full preg and a heathy baby when the time is right.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  20. jennifer Says:

    Just found out I’m miscarrying, this is my 2nd miscarriage, have 1 healthy baby. Thanks for this page! I want a tattoo in memory of the 2 I lost. Just not sure on what I want yet….not a tattoo person normally. Maybe just 2 stars with a bigger one for my daughter.

  21. candidchatter Says:

    Jennifer: I am deeply sorry for your losses. I like the stars tattoo idea. Good luck deciding what is best for you. ((hugs))

  22. Oh, I can share this here! I have NEVER been a tattoo person but thinking aobut it since our youngest son went to Heaven after being born with a CHD & living with us for 6 1/2 months. I THINK I’ve decided on getting an “anklet” tattoo with charms with each of my kids initials! I”m starting to get excited.

    We’ll see how long it takes me to actually get one..

  23. Pat Lawlor Says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, I was searching the web looking for a simple tatoo for my daughter, she just lost twin boys two weeks ago and she was 18 weeks along. She is so devestated and I don’t know how to help her. She said she wanted to get a tatoo in their honor. So in my search I found your page and just had to tell you how beautiful yours is.

  24. candidchatter Says:

    Pat: I’m sorry for your losses too. How sad. Thank you for the compliment and for taking the time to comment.

    Heidi

  25. Idalmis Says:

    I had a miscarriage 10 years ago… I don’t have any tatooes and I always say if I ever get one it will be a sleeping baby angel in memory of my little angel. Since this year is the 10th anniversary I’m really thinking on getting a tatoo but I haven’t found the courage to do it.

    Bless you all

    P.S. I’m still waiting to see this angel’s face one day…

  26. Ann Says:

    Your writing and many of the responses are amazing. I miscarried Dec. 23, 1987. It was such an unexpected loss and even though I already had 2 healthy little girls, the loss of that baby hurt so deeply. I found out a few days later that I still was pregnant with a twin and thankfully he is now a healthy 21 year old. I am thankful everyday for my kids, but still miss that baby lost. We have an unwritten tradition in the family that Dec. 23rd is our day to remember and mourn the baby’s loss each in our own way. My son seems to feel the loss as deeply as I do. He sometimes mentions to people that he had a “little brother” who died. Even after all these years, the pain and loss remains, but by taking it all and bundling it up for Dec. 23rd, I have been able to deal with it better. I do look forward to the day when I see my littlest angel again, but trust that the baby is safe in the arms of God and my dear Grandparents in Heaven.

    I look forward to your site and future writings. My youngest daughter recently miscarried twins and she is dealing with that loss. We actually found your site trying to get ideas for a memorial tattoo for her babies. I think she has decided on lavender roses with 2 butterflies because of the love at first sight (or first knowing she was pregnant with them).

    Take Care…….

  27. nancy Says:

    Hello, im soooo sorry for your loss. I was very touched with your post. I myseld is suffering from the loss of my baby boy at 20 weeks pregnant so i feel what your going through.everyone says that it will get better but in my mind every day is the hardest for me. It is still fresh for me too I cant talk about it yet For now I am looking for a tattoo.

  28. Megan White Says:

    Thank you so much for your story. Last week I was forced to induce my 19 week old son, due to a fatal condition that ended up filling his body with fluid and stopping his heart. I deliver him on Saturday, 1lb 3 oz. I was blessed to be abel to hold him and tell him good bye but he was born stright into gods hands. I miss him so and am hoping to find a wonderful idea to honor him through the art of tatto. So thankyou for your blog and keep on informing people so that they can stay strong too. God be with you, and congradualations on the new child.

  29. Natasha Says:

    I just want to say that your post was very touching. I just lost my baby at 35.5 wks she was almost 8 lbs and looks just like my fiance. Its only been 6 days and I feel like I will never get past this, but I know in time it will make me stronger I have picked out my tattoo for her and I will never forget her. This has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. :(

  30. Rachel Says:

    I lost my baby a little over 2 months ago and it was the worst thing that ive ever been through. Im still not over it. I think about it everyday. It was my first baby and I was so excited about it. I want to get a tattoo but im not sure where or what i should get. Do you have any ideas?

  31. candidchatter Says:

    Ladies… thank you all for writing on my blog post. I’m deeply sorry for your losses. It has been 2 1/2 years since my miscarriage and I still think about that baby. I still pray and ask God to hug the baby for me from time to time.

    The good news and happy ending is that I did get pregnant again 4 months after my miscarriage and I have my son, Jaxon, now. He’s 19 months old and FULL of life.

    God bless each of you on this lifelong journey. ((Hugs))

  32. Lindsay T Jones Says:

    It has been 2 weeks and 2 days since we lost our baby girl Taylor Ryan Jones at 28 weeks. We lost her on 8/9/10- weird huh? She was our first child and the first granddaughter on my side of the family. It is SO hard, and I have not gone back to work yet. I am definitely getting a tattoo, but can’t decide what, I am excited, as this will be the first “meaningful” tattoo I will get.

  33. Patti Silensky Says:

    For all of you who have had a miscarriage or been touched by one…… the grief & pain generated by a miscarriage can be excruciating & very real. Often others, although well meaning, try to downplay this grief because the child was not actually “born” ~ but that’s insensitive at best, & of no value to those who are affected by the loss. For more information & support about dealing with this traumatic loss, go to http://www.GriefShare.org. As you explore their site, you will find reference materials & resources on how to deal with this issue. To locate a GriefShare group near you, plug your zip code into the group finder. May the divine Comforter meet you at the point of your need, & may you walk *through* the valley of the shadow of death & into the glorious light of God.

  34. candidchatter Says:

    Thank you so much, Patti!

  35. Jordyn Says:

    I recently lost conjoined twins at 10 weeks along. I will never forget my babies and even though the sex was not decovered I know it was girls. (most conjoined twins are girls). I am going to get two lilies intertwined with the quote “and Jesus said let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them. Mark 10:12 This tattoo is not just going to be for the babies I lost but for all the babies god takes before they breathe.

  36. Audria Says:

    I miscarried at 7 weeks last year and i still think about my baby to this day! The pain never goes away but I have just learned to cope with it the best i know how. I lost my baby on my birthday. Yesterday I got a tattoo in rememberance of my baby, its a teddy bear with angel wings and i love it!

  37. Gijs Says:

    My heart is with all of you and the babies you lost. I’m getting a tattoo today. It;s going to be a little star becaus I like to think, when I look to the sky at night, my little baby is one of the stars looking down on us.
    Although I’m a man, the loss of my baby is very hard on me (us men) to!
    Love to you all!

  38. jessica Says:

    i lost my baby due to a miscarriage just two weeks ago and i really want a tatoo done , i was 12weeks and 4days the baby grew up to and i was suppose to be 14weeks and was havin pains , and the hardest thing is never nowin what could of been .. me and my boyfriend looked into tattoo’s lastnight i want a tattoo to remind me of the baby and when i have children to remind my children that they would of had a brother or sister , i am only 19 and have plenty of other chances to become a mam but i couldnt wait to become a mam as soon as i found out i was pregnant. I was thinking a passage on my ribs or maybe havin celtic one its lik 2 hearts locking together as in the baby not around but always in my heart meanin 2hearts into one and then havin some writtin around it . the pain never goes away but in ways my tatto with help me in ways to over come my pain nowin i always have a reminder

  39. pamela Says:

    I just lost my baby just 5 days ago and my husband and i have been thinking of getting matching tatoos to remember our unborn baby! I really enjoyed ur story” my thoughts and prayers are with all of whom lost a child. By pamela january 30, 2012 @ 11:15pm

  40. Tessa Says:

    You really have no clue how many people is dealing with the same thing you are until you find websites like this. On August 27th of 2010 I miscarried at 12 weeks to the day. Dealing with the loss was tremendous, and it got a little better from day to day. 9 months after my loss I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant yet again. Scared and terrified that I would loss this baby made the first 4 months a living hell. But I got over being scared and wondering what if, and I am due to have my daughter March 23rd 2012. Her name is going to be Adalee which has several meanings- first-born female, adornment, Adorned, noble. There is not a day that going by that I do not think about the child I lost. I’m not into tattoo’s but if I did it would be one with meaning. I have been looking into getting one for Adalee and my angel.

  41. Kymmie Says:

    I recently found out i was pregnant and had nownfor 3 weeks and finaly had a scan and found out i was expecting twins but the doctor who was dooing my scan at first said oh yes theres one baby and he asked to do an internal scan so he did and he looked about and then we came accross another baby at thi point i was worried because he had to call another doctor because the twins were seperated and one was hidden away up by my overies so he got worried and his reply was iv never seen a ase lik this in 12 years i hae been here and im layed there thinking holly cow whats going on? And them later confirmed it was twins, by this time i had already been bleeding for about a week and i was really worried beacause i wantedy babies soo much and then a week later i got really bad stomach pains i felt lik i was in labour the pains were that strong and by 9 oclock the ambulance came amd id had lost my gorjus babbies who now il never see again till i one day go to heaven and can be reunited but untill then i cant rest properly as i cant belive this has happend to me i dont now what to do and seriously think im the 1 to blame for this happening to me ad my babbies were inside me an i was responsible dor my babbies an i must of done something wrong for them to be taken away frome me.


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