Baby Dancing April 27, 2008

Here’s hoping it worked!

Initially, I really wasn’t sure about sharing this with all of you. My fear of losing another baby made me feel that I wouldn’t want to endure the pain of having to explain another loss. The phone call I made to my husband after the dreadful ultrasound from the parking lot of the doctor’s office to tell him our baby had died was the worst thing in the world for me. The 2nd phone call I made to my dad was the 2nd worst thing in the world for me. I doubt either man will ever forget it. I know I won’t. I think if my dad could have crawled through the phone to get to me he would have. My parents lost 4 babies through miscarriage. He understood perfectly what had just hit me, how hard, and exactly how deep my pain was right then. And that is precisely what I needed at that moment. I think my husband was just speechless. Dumbfounded. Bewildered.

I have said before that I won’t spread the word of my next confirmed pregnancy until I feel like we are out of the woods. There will be a lot more testing in the first trimester this time around. Blood, urine, ultrasound. If I start to spot, things could get very bad for me emotionally. The 8 1/2 week marker will be a very nerve-wracking time. That’s when I lost the last one. I know I’ll be feeling like “just get me to 12 weeks” the whole time. Then when I fail the glucose test (which I will b/c I’ve had gestational diabetes twice now), I will be all nervous again with more tests esp at the end: blood, urine, heart monitor for the baby, ultrasound, contraction monitor for me, etc. Not to mention, I will be 35 next month. That puts me in the “mature mommy” category. This means I will have the choice to do an extra ultrasound for Downs Syndrome along with the regular AFP tests as well as an amniocentesis (think very looong needle thru my stomach into the amniotic sac for fluid that surrounds the baby — a potentially dangerous procedure which I will probably decline anyway).

Getting pregnant is the fun (and easy) part. Staying pregnant is the challenge.

I am sure I will be sharing this journey to growing our family by one more. Most of you know by now that I am not shy. Nor do I find many things to be strictly personal. I am a pretty open book over here. Not easily embarrassed either. Well, unless you want me to speak in front of people. Heh! That’s when I clam up and shut down. Anyway, I will let all of you know once we have told our closest family and friends.

So stay tuned. Rich and I are still “baby dancing” about every other day. I have been told that after a miscarriage women are usually pretty fertile. We shall see. It has been 4 1/2 months since our baby died. Long enough to start trying and short enough to still be fertile; if that isn’t an Old Wives Tale. My monthly cycles are all whacko screwy right now too, so I have no real idea when to expect my period. What I’ll probably do us wait to test until I’m at 40 days if no signs of menstruation by then. Don’t hold your breath b/c I have quite a way to go before I’m 40 days into it.

Please keep praying. I appreciate prayer more than I can express.

Thanks.

PS: I am so humbled that I have an audience. You precious souls tipped my board over 5000 hits today! I wish I knew who the 5000th person was. That would be neat! When I started this I was afraid to put a stats counter on here. I didn’t think I’d get 1000 hits in a year. Thank you for reading Candid Chatter. Please come often and please comment. I LOOOVE comments!