The Duggar Family September 5, 2009

What do you think about the Duggars?

Do you have
the right to judge
them for their family
size or religious beliefs?

My Brother May 4, 2009

I have debated for a long time whether or not to open this can of worms. Some of what I’ve written over the past year and a half has burned up a few family members of mine. My brother, whose birthday was this past weekend, won’t talk to me. At all. There was an incident on here that ended up getting very ugly and it was mostly my fault and my stinkin’ pregnancy hormones and my disgust over certain things which have transpired over the years. Since then… nada. Not a single word.

Anyway…

The reason I am bringing this up is because it’s actually pretty common, I’m finding. The more I talk to people about their families beyond their husbands and children, the more I am finding that there is a lot of adult family rivalry. More than I had imagined. Here I thought me and my brother were such horrible people having this silly fight. Nah. It happens. In.All.Families. To some extent anyway. It could be a cousin, a parent, a sibling, a child even. Families fight. It’s normal.

But I refuse to accept that he won’t talk to me. I act like he’s still a part of my life. I still send his daughters gifts on special occasions. I know of one instance when he refused to allow them to open what came from me, but I was clever and addressed them from MY kids so eventually, for whatever reason, his heart softened a bit and he allowed his girls to have their gifts afterall and, wouldn’t you know it, they loved what they got. Of course they did. I am a good gift giver. Err… I mean, my kids are good gift givers. [wink]

I e-mailed him a happy birthday and teased him about his proximity to turning 40. That’s not really too bad of a joke, though, because I will be 40 before he will. He probably didn’t laugh. I did though.

My mom used to tell me to “kill them with kindness”. I never understood what she meant until I had a fight with my uncle. I’ve actually had several fights with him over the years. This one was so stupid, but I understood why he was mad so I decided to kill him with kindness. It worked.

Will this work with my brother? Probably not while I’m 1000 miles away. But I’ll bet up close and personal would be a whole lot different. He can’t stay mad at me. He’s never been able to. He’s being the big tough guy right now. But I know a secret about my brother. I’ll tell you what it is too.

He’s.Not.That.Tough.

Nope. A big softie. GIANT softie.
And his feelings get hurt easily.
And I hurt his feelings.
And so he’s mad.
But it won’t last.
Nope.
Bet he’s ready to forgive me and hug me tight already.
Ok. Maybe not. But I will hug him till he poops next time I see him.
I will.
Cuz I love him.
Cuz I love him and I miss him.

The Last One as Four January 9, 2009

Well, this is it. Every time we are about to have a baby I go through these “last” thoughts. This is our last weekend as a family of four. In fact, this is our last Friday as a family of four. Next Friday I will be discharged (God willing) and we will be on our way as a family of five.

Enjoy your weekend. We plan to do a whole bunch of nothing, truly. I need to rest as much as I can.

You’ll get one last post from me on Monday and then I may not be back on for a few days. Melanie will post on Tuesday when she can to give you all the glorious details about the baby so check in for that fun day of awesomeness.

I will try for internet access from my laptop at the hospital. If I can manage to make it happen, I will post pictures.

Thanks for visiting Candid Chatter. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. Thank you for being my internet buddies. Thank you for everything.

See you soon!

Many Years Later December 5, 2008

A certain person I know has, for years, said negative and demeaning things about people who have large families. Things like “they’re crazy”, “they must be nuts”, “how can they give their kids enough attention”, “it’s ridiculous (or irresponsible) to have that many kids”. And so on.

Believe it or not, I have kept my mouth shut — taking it with a grain of salt each time.
That is, until today.

I have had it up to my hairline and beyond with these kinds of remarks. It doesn’t help that this person and I had a heated discussion yesterday regarding the dumbest advice I think I’ve ever been given by a person who has no right even breathing a word on the subject considering this person’s lack of responsible behavior in a certain area. That is vague on purpose.

My parents raised 7 children. My paternal grandparents raised 13 while my maternal grandparents raised 8. To say I come from a big family is the understatement of the year. I believe I have somewhere around 75 first cousins with both families combined. I have no idea how many of those cousins have produced children of their own. I’m sure the numbers now are well over 100 with first and second cousins combined. And we’re still having children. Some of my first cousins are still under the age of 10. I think a couple may even be under age 5. Huge family! Absolutely humongous!

In my family segment, my precious parents (who have been married for over 36 years) have their ninth grandchild on the way (our wee one). One of my sisters is trying to get pregnant with her 2nd. One of my sisters has three girls. My brother has 2 girls. My youngest sister just got married last weekend. Two of my siblings are in serious relationships, but not married yet. That leaves a whole bunch of room for more nieces and nephews for me and many more grandchildren for my parents of awesomeness. I think Christmas, one day, will be unbelievably expensive for all of us. Yikes!!

So for anyone to condemn large families to me is like calling my entire family a bunch of idiots.

Not a good idea.
It’s an even worse idea while I’m all chock full of hormones and 8 months pregnant.
Yeah. Dumb move.

So I did what any upstanding young woman with her third child on the way would do. I shot the person dead and now I’m going to jail.

Nah. In my mind I wanted to rip out hair and poke out eyeballs though.

First of all, both of my lovely heathens were fighting and yelling in the seat right behind me. The person on the phone heard the commotion and said “what would you do if you had 10 of them”. I said “I’d throw every last one out the window”. We chuckled. Then the person said “well what do you think about people who do have 10 kids then — they are nuts, aren’t they”? I stopped the chuckle right then. “You know what” I said. “You’ve been saying derogatory things about people who have a lot of kids for many years now and I’ve put up with it. I’ve been patient. I’ve been kind. But you must understand that when you say things like that you are putting down my entire family and that hurts my feelings. I don’t like it even a little bit and it doesn’t amuse me.” The person sounded taken aback and said “what well I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I just mean that I couldn’t handle it”. I received and accepted an apology and then quickly got off the phone.

Right after that the girls at Subway started in on me having a girl and a boy already and what made me decide to have another child since I have one of each. I must be crazy they say and all three laugh it up. I played along. Deep inside I was painfully aware of the way I am viewed by society. I have too many kids. I am crazy to want more. How do I do what I do? Why? How? Ha ha ha this is so funny and entertaining.

No.

It’s not funny. It’s not entertaining.
It’s disgusting.

I am proud of my family. I am proud of my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins who have decided to grow their families despite what anyone else thinks or says. I had a wonderful childhood. I would change nothing about it. I love my family deeply.

I’m sick of being the butt of jokes. I am sick of being the circus who just arrived because it’s oh such a novelty to ask Heidi to tell the whole room full of people how many cousins/aunts/uncles or whatnot she has. I can hear the circus music play as the laughter fills the room along with the wide-eyed expressions on the faces of unbelieving or astonished people.

My family is not a circus.
My family is not crazy.
My family is awesome.

If it were up to me, I’d have more children. Not the natural way, however. But if Rich would open his heart to it I’d certainly adopt — at least one, maybe more.

I love kids.
I grew up surrounded by love.
My family may not have lots of money, but they sure do have lots of love.
An overabundance of it, in fact.

And. It. Makes. Me. Proud.

So When are You Due? November 2, 2008

I get asked that a lot. A super lot. When I say January 19th I get funny looks most of the time. However, if you count that I am really only about 10 weeks away from having this child in my arms instead of in my belly then it seems not so far away.

I had a lot of cramping and tightness in my stomach Friday night. I rolled over to my left side and they went away. I seriously think this baby will be here before mid-January. We’ll see.

My baby shower was Saturday. It was wonderful and so feminine and fun. I really enjoyed myself and I didn’t want to leave all my friends when it was over. We had a good, good time!!

So I am 29 weeks pregnant. When I saw these pictures I thought I don’t look as big as I look in the mirror. That’s odd. Usually it’s the opposite. Anyway. Here’s me. Now you know why I waddle.

Heidi at 29 weeks

Bib says “Sweet Pea”
Awwwww.

By the way, I have a picture of me with my friend (forgot to see if I could post it on here and I won’t w/out her consent) belly to belly. She is due 1 week after me. She knows she’s having a girl this time — her third as well. I don’t know the gender of ours even though I suspect it’s a boy. In the photo her bump is high in her belly where my bump is way low. But as I compare my photo with my other kids — my bump looks more like it did with Brianna than it did with Jeremy. She was low. He was higher. Funny. So even though I’ll be shocked if it’s a girl — it very well could be.

Oh and I think we picked a name if it is a boy. And it IS one of the names mentioned in this post. So somebody is going to win a $50.00 donation to the charity of their choice. Is it you?? You’ll find out in a few weeks. Fun fun fun!!!

My kids have been sick for 3 weeks off and on. Most recently Brianna got hit hard with something as she was recovering from the other thing. Guess who has it now? You got it — I cannot take anything for it though so please say a prayer that I’ll get well soon. Few things drag a Mommy down more than being sick, tired, and heavily pregnant all at once. Jeepers!!

How Many is Too Many? September 22, 2008

Know what’s been happening to me a lot lately? I’ll tell you since you’ll never guess.

I get this comment every day that I am out of my house by some ignoramous.
“Why are you having another baby when you already have a girl and a boy?”
And the ignoramous who asks me this question is serious. I think this ignoramous also has a lot of guts to ask a hormonal, outspoken, pregnant chick such an ignorant and personal question. It’s like teasing a rattlesnake. Dumb move.

So what am I to do? This side of me thinks I ought to start shooting the people who say these airheaded things to put them out of their absolute misery. This side of me feels a need to explain the personal decision my husband and I made about the size of our family.

The next assumption is this… “so I suppose this is your last then”. As if that is anyone’s business in the first place.

Who decided it was ok to ask complete strangers about their family choices and plans? Who made it perfectly normal to say these things to pregnant women or their spouses?

How absurd that society thinks I have a big family because of my soon to be 3 children. I’ll show you a big family. I’ll show you the best childhood ever and the most love ever and the greatest family on the planet. I’ll show you all of my aunts and uncles and cousins; my mom and dad and siblings; my grandparents and nieces and nephews. You’ve never seen such a family I guess. Holidays are absolute blow-out events. Fun for the entire family. More presents under a Christmas tree than you’ve ever laid your beedy little eyes on.

I have decided not to give a true response anymore. From now on I am going to say this…
They ask me: “why are you having another baby when you already have a girl and a boy”
I am going to say: “to rid the world of people who ask ignorant and personal questions they have no business asking — if there are more of us, then there are less of you”

They might say: “so I suppose this is your last child then”
My response: “uh, yeah, last time I checked the size of my family was not up for discussion — esp with a perfect stranger”

What do you think?
Will it work?
It’s like the idiot
who asks a non-pregnant
woman when she’s due!!

And Then a Fight Breaks Out September 18, 2008

Since B started preschool, every day when we pick her up she tells J how much she missed him, gives him a hug and kiss, and then chatters with him all the way home. It makes me happy I had them so close in age. Most of the time they get along and play and hang out together.

And then a fight breaks out.

Right now I am listening to J scream at the top of his lungs because I made him share with B. He’s ticked. Ticked or not, it is her turn with the dinosaur toy. I have to give them time limits — usually 5 minutes — with a certain toy or whatever and then I make them switch. Normally, this works like a charm. Today, not so much.

In less than 5 minutes, they will be back to doing something darling together.

When I was a youngin’ and had to share with my rotten siblings it would make me mad as a hornet too. Esp if I had to share something that was rightfully mine. Something grandma bought for ME. It was mine yet I had to share it with them. Them. The little ones. The sticky handed ones. The slobbery drooly little heathens.

LOL!

Now I love sharing with my siblings. I no longer think of them as rotten, sticky, slobbery, drooly, or heathens. They are actually all pretty freakin’ awesome.

So I know they will get to that point one day. They won’t fight as much. They will enjoy helping one another. They will defend each other.

But, for now, a dinosaur toy is a means for WWIII to start in my living room.

I will miss these days. I know I will. But sometimes I feel like locking myself in the bathroom. Ha!!

PS: B is teaching J how to hop on one foot while they watch Barney. See… less than 5 minutes and all is well again. Kids!!

Baby Dancing April 27, 2008

Here’s hoping it worked!

Initially, I really wasn’t sure about sharing this with all of you. My fear of losing another baby made me feel that I wouldn’t want to endure the pain of having to explain another loss. The phone call I made to my husband after the dreadful ultrasound from the parking lot of the doctor’s office to tell him our baby had died was the worst thing in the world for me. The 2nd phone call I made to my dad was the 2nd worst thing in the world for me. I doubt either man will ever forget it. I know I won’t. I think if my dad could have crawled through the phone to get to me he would have. My parents lost 4 babies through miscarriage. He understood perfectly what had just hit me, how hard, and exactly how deep my pain was right then. And that is precisely what I needed at that moment. I think my husband was just speechless. Dumbfounded. Bewildered.

I have said before that I won’t spread the word of my next confirmed pregnancy until I feel like we are out of the woods. There will be a lot more testing in the first trimester this time around. Blood, urine, ultrasound. If I start to spot, things could get very bad for me emotionally. The 8 1/2 week marker will be a very nerve-wracking time. That’s when I lost the last one. I know I’ll be feeling like “just get me to 12 weeks” the whole time. Then when I fail the glucose test (which I will b/c I’ve had gestational diabetes twice now), I will be all nervous again with more tests esp at the end: blood, urine, heart monitor for the baby, ultrasound, contraction monitor for me, etc. Not to mention, I will be 35 next month. That puts me in the “mature mommy” category. This means I will have the choice to do an extra ultrasound for Downs Syndrome along with the regular AFP tests as well as an amniocentesis (think very looong needle thru my stomach into the amniotic sac for fluid that surrounds the baby — a potentially dangerous procedure which I will probably decline anyway).

Getting pregnant is the fun (and easy) part. Staying pregnant is the challenge.

I am sure I will be sharing this journey to growing our family by one more. Most of you know by now that I am not shy. Nor do I find many things to be strictly personal. I am a pretty open book over here. Not easily embarrassed either. Well, unless you want me to speak in front of people. Heh! That’s when I clam up and shut down. Anyway, I will let all of you know once we have told our closest family and friends.

So stay tuned. Rich and I are still “baby dancing” about every other day. I have been told that after a miscarriage women are usually pretty fertile. We shall see. It has been 4 1/2 months since our baby died. Long enough to start trying and short enough to still be fertile; if that isn’t an Old Wives Tale. My monthly cycles are all whacko screwy right now too, so I have no real idea when to expect my period. What I’ll probably do us wait to test until I’m at 40 days if no signs of menstruation by then. Don’t hold your breath b/c I have quite a way to go before I’m 40 days into it.

Please keep praying. I appreciate prayer more than I can express.

Thanks.

PS: I am so humbled that I have an audience. You precious souls tipped my board over 5000 hits today! I wish I knew who the 5000th person was. That would be neat! When I started this I was afraid to put a stats counter on here. I didn’t think I’d get 1000 hits in a year. Thank you for reading Candid Chatter. Please come often and please comment. I LOOOVE comments!