Men are bombarded with sex. From stupid car tire and razor commercials to the real deal — pornography — or worse, an overly flirtatious coworker or friend, which can lead to things like infidelity. Every man is a target. Every woman has her virtual antenna up. I can spot a woman trying to get a little too snuggly with my husband from a mile away. Ten miles away. A hundred. I’ll bet you can too. But what happens when the “woman” targeting our man isn’t real? What happens when these “women” are imaginary or fantasized or found on the internet? What can we do?
Nothing. Marriages are torn apart on a regular basis by this very thing. Pornography is addicting for most men. Men get so wrapped up in it that they spend millions of dollars on subscriptions to websites, magazines, videos, books, etc. Pornography is big business. The price paid is even bigger, and I’m not talking monetary.
I’ve met about 2 or 3 women in my life who have said that their men going to strip clubs or watching porn doesn’t bother them. Bull! It does. Two of these 3 women have been hurt by their husbands indulging in these very things that they said doesn’t bother them. If it didn’t bother them, they wouldn’t be hurt by it.
Here is how I feel about it… If you are thinking about it in your mind and participating thru masturbation, then you are cheating on your spouse. If it’s in your mind, then it’s in your heart, and you are being unfaithful. Yes, it is worse to me if the actual act is performed. In other words, if my husband were to actually have sex with another woman that is way worse than him masturbating to sexual fantasies of other women. But, I feel the masturbation to images or thoughts of those images is an infraction nonetheless. And a serious one that needs to be addressed.
How are we, as women, going to ever feel beautiful if our husbands and boyfriends are watching perfect bodied women having crazy sex with one another or with men in ways that we wouldn’t dream of? Who does that kind of stuff? Are you serious?
Wanna know something raw, real, and very sad? I’m not sure, since I was exposed to porn at the tender age of 11 at a neighbor’s birthday party, that I even know what making love is. All my life, until I married Rich, I’ve thought of sex as a dirty thing. Something naughty and wrong and secret and all about physical pleasure. Now that I have found the love of my life I don’t want to feel that way about it. But maybe, just maybe that’s why I am not interested most of the time. Maybe I’d have more of a sex drive if I thought of it as it was meant to be…. as God intended for it to be. Not as an animal attraction that’s purely physical, but as the joining of spouses, who love each other, for intimacy and pleasure (more than physical). I pray that will happen for me. I pray that I can one day view sex as it was intended and not as it is marketed.
Temptation of any kind is hard to avoid. I know this in many different aspects of my own life. But this one thing, this one nasty thing, can destroy marriages. Think of the kids who suffer from their parents divorcing because it all started with temptation that should have been and could have been avoided.
FYI: This post is not about me or Rich. Our marriage is fine and neither of us is into porn.