Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Smells of Hell January 30, 2008

Filed under: All In the Family — candidchatter @ 9:14 pm

Obsession. I hate that cologne like it’s the smell of death. Why? Because my ex-husband used to practically bathe in the junk. I seriously hate the smell. I’d rather smell the bowels of a rotting carcass. Maybe you laugh, but I am not kidding.

Guess who found a barely used bottle of Obsession in the garage during our “get organized” day on Sunday? Yep, my current husband. His mother bought it for him years ago and I hid the junk because I can’t stand the smell. I didn’t have the heart to throw it away because that is such a giant waste of money so I just made it vanish. If it accidentally got thrown away with some other junk it was buried under — wooops!

But no!

Guess who decided to wear the Obsession today despite the horrible things it reminds me of? You got it — my dear sweet husband who has no ears apparently because I could have sworn I told him never to wear that crap around me. Ever!

It reminds me of alcohol breath at 2:00 in the morning when the drunk decided to come home. Sometimes I would secretly wish him dead of a car accident because I did not want to have sex. But you can’t say no to a drunk. There will be consequences not worth dealing with. It’s best to just give in.

It reminds me of having no money and eating peanut butter and ramen noodles because the drunk spent our rent money on frivolous things including beer, beer, and more beer.

It reminds me of Al-Anon meetings and depression.

It reminds me of 3 stints in rehab and several suicide attempts (him, not me).

It reminds me of 5 step-children who had a hateful mom and a drunken dad and I was the only one to care for them and show them love.

It reminds me of complete humiliation when the drunk would yell out the windows of our apartment what a slut he thought I was because I was trying to go to work. Then he would call me the whole time I was at work begging me to come home. It’s a wonder I didn’t lose my job!

It reminds me of separation from my family and friends.

It reminds me of a life I had almost forgotten. That is, until my earless husband put on Obsession today.

He might read this. I hope he does. Because, honey, I am sorry, but the Obsession is gone. Well, at least after tonight it will be. I am breaking the bottle and throwing it away. No more. I will buy you some new cologne. How about that Armani stuff I like so much?

Please, no more Obsession. No Calvin Klein scents. None. I can’t handle it.

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4 Responses to “Smells of Hell”

  1. Lana Says:

    he’ll read it.

    and if he doesn’t, tell him again…

    amazing how our sensory memory doesn’t forget.

    i’m sorry for that part of your life… but it’s like Job again… eh? God was working in you then, and you didn’t even know it. And now, God has taught you so much from that experience.

    God bless you, my dear friend.
    big kiss

  2. candidchatter Says:

    So I littered and it felt SO FREAKING GOOD!! I couldn’t find the stupid bottle after I wrote this post. I was frantic and manic. Finally, I asked him where the Obsession bottle was. He said, “why – you’re not going to throw it away, are you?”. I said, “you tell me where it is or I will find it mister”. He chuckled. So after about 5 minutes of tearing through the bathroom drawers and looking on his desk he said, “here I’ll save you the trouble — it’s on the grill”. Grill? LOL! Who puts cologne on the grill? He sprayed it outside when he put it on himself. At least he was trying to be thoughtful. I guess he didn’t expect me to hug him later? Silly man! Anyway – I grabbed it like it was a demonic piece of satan worship and threw it as hard as I could straight into the palmetto bushes that break off my backyard from the golf course. Awesome feeling that gave me!! HooHa!!

    So let some landscape guy or golfer find it. Merry late Christmas or Happy Valentine’s Day to whoever wants the Obsession. Maybe it’ll just get covered in mulch never to resurface. Or maybe some skunk will decide to stink less (or, in my opinion, stink more!).

    Ok – now I’m being silly. I can’t wait till tomorrow either, Lana!! See you around 7:15.
    XO!!

  3. Melissa Says:

    Wow, that reminds me of a story I’ve never heard… from my mother, about HER ex-husband… my biological father. God is great. The great thing is (I know that sounds weird, but it really is great), he left her for another woman when I was a baby… and she went on to marry a great man of God, my REAL father. Praise God! I’m sure it was awful for her then, to be left alone with 4 small children. She forgave him forever ago (this is in reference to the oprah post also) as did we, his children. It’s true, the forgiveness is for the forgiver as much as the forgiven. I know he’s never forgiven himself, but I’m not eaten up about what he did, only HE is. Every time we see him he cries and asks for our forgiveness, even though we’ve told him millions of times we forgive him. It just drives him back to the bottle.
    I am like that with smells. Certain smells instantly transport me to another time and place. Thanks for this insight into how you became the strong woman you are now. You’re so awesome…
    I’m rambling on YOUR blog, sorry! 🙂

  4. candidchatter Says:

    Melissa: It’s a great, great victory if you can totally forgive someone. I’m sorry for what your mom went through, but I am super happy for her that she overcame it (and you all too). I thank God for my first marriage now because without it I would not have met my dear, sweet, hunk-a-burnin-love husband Rich.

    Thanks for commenting and welcome to the site, girl! I hope you’ll keep coming by.

    XO,
    Heidi


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