It took me a little while to fall asleep last night. I tossed and turned for much longer than normal. I can’t sleep well when I have something on my mind. Have you ever prayed and prayed and tried and tried to give it all up to God yet you still have that thing in the pit of your stomach — that uneasiness? That’s how it went.
I got a supportive e-mail from a friend of mine this morning who knows the full story. She is one of my dearest and most trusted friends. She said some things that hit me like a 90 mph baseball square between the eyes. Ask for forgiveness. Repent. See it from a different perspective. Walk a mile in the other person’s shoes. Flip side.
I took her advice verbatim. It was excellent advice from a godly woman. And since I did all of that I have been freed from that uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. I humbled myself and it felt like crap at first, but, as usual, I feel so much better for doing the right thing. It was the right thing. Hard, but right.
I wish I could tell you that the situation which kept me up tossing and turning was completely resolved. It’s not. Yet. But it will be given a little time. I did all that I could do to undo the wrong. Now it’s up to the other person to forgive or not. My conscience is clear now. I am still praying about the situation. But I am praying without fear or worry. I know God will make it right because I did what He would want me to do — even though, initially, that is so not what I wanted to do.
In the process of all this, I uncovered some things I have not forgiven some of my loved ones for. When I e-mailed my friend back I told her some stuff that has happened that has seriously upset me. Remember, in a previous post I told you how sensitive I am underneath it all. I get hurt feelings very easily. I am aware of this and I try to control it. I do. But apparantly I have not forgiven certain loved ones of certain things. Things that hurt me deeply. Things that still hurt me.
I need to forgive. I have a conviction going on here. I am going to start working on this. Forgiveness is a process. It starts with awareness of unforgiveness in my heart. Now that it has been discovered I will be praying about it. I need to forgive because, as I’ve said before, forgiveness will set me free. I want to be free. I do.