Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Here Goes Nothin’ February 25, 2008

Filed under: Faith,Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 9:55 pm
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It appears I have opened a can of worms that I could have sworn I had already dealt with on here. Apparently that was in the post I deleted that had offended someone I love. Go figure!

Well, I have felt compelled to throw this out there before, so I guess it is time. I’ve been praying about how to deal with this issue properly. I guess it’s just like everything else with me — candidly — just lettin’ it flow.

First, there are a couple of points to my desire to be as raw as possible on here. I want people who are Christians to realize there is nothing smart about hiding behind the facade of sinlessness. There is no good in denying our pasts no matter how dark. People who do not believe in Christ are completely unaffected by a believer who is “perfect”. No. It does, however, scream a bold statement when a believer is honest, trustworthy, and real life. Nothing will draw them in faster than a person with those qualities. Anyone can spot a fake 10 miles away. 100 miles away. Even Christians don’t want to be around “perfect” Christians so why would non-Christians?

The other point is obvious — to draw them in. Not to be adored or glorified myself. No. To point to Him who saved me from my wretched and evil ways. To Him and only Him — Jesus Christ. The One who wipes away all sin. The One who saved the world.

Now on to my sinful past.

Here are a few reasons why Jesus Christ is my Savior. Here is why I believe. This is what He saved me from.

1) I used to smoke pot daily. More than daily. Several times a day. I worked in a place where this was not only the norm, but was (on occasion) celebrated. During the week, I got high after work all the way up until bedtime. Sometimes I got high at work because someone who worked with me was getting high in the warehouse. On the weekends, I got stoned in the morning and it would last all day because if I started to come down I’d smoke another joint, hit the bong, or whatever was handy (pipe, bowl, and so on). I drove stoned. I exercised stoned. I watched movies stoned. I washed dishes stoned. I cleaned my house stoned. I listened to music stoned. You name it I have done it while stoned. I even went to church stoned. Yes, church. 

* Jesus cured me of my addiction to getting high. Now I can say “no” when, before, I was the ultimate party girl and always in for a “good time” *

2) I have had 2 affairs. I was not married. The men were. One of them I married (my first husband). I thought of it as a dangerous game. I can’t begin to describe how I paid the price for those wicked acts of adultery. The cool thing is that the first man I had an affair with is now a born again believer. Thank God! I’m sure it saved more than his soul. I’m sure it saved his marriage and I think that’s awesome!

* Sex had been a hurtful and dirty thing to me until I met my current/forever husband. God is helping me to view it as something beautiful instead of something sinful and wicked *

3) I was self-indulgent and conceited. I thought I was the cat’s meow. I thought I was a walking gift to humanity. I thought women were dying to be my friends and men were dying to sleep with me. Cocky and irresponsible and mean and mouthy. Cussed like a sailor and thought my own shadow adored me. I dared God to “show me His stuff” and called Him “big guy”. Guess what happened? He did. And how humbled I have been ever since.

* It says in the Bible not to tempt God. I tempted Him out of pure ignorance. I didn’t have a clue. Thankfully, He is a loving and forgiving God who is so full of mercy. Here I sit embarrassed to admit my pre-Christ self, but thankful for the forgiveness enough to not be embarrassed at the same time. *

So that’s the worst of it. How low can you go? I suppose others have gone lower. I suppose. But, to me, those are rock bottom. I’ve tried other drugs (cocaine, mushrooms, and acid), but never got addicted to them – Thank God! I’ve been drunker than a sailor on leave and so sick I swore I’d never do it again — only to do it again the following weekend. I’ve rolled in the mud and walked on the dark side. I’ve been the prodigal daughter. I was not raised this way. My parents know some of this and would probably faint to know all of it. But they love me and have forgiven me.

I am a new creation. I am born again. What the Holy Spirit has done in my heart that has resulted in radical change in my life has been nothing short of a miracle.

I believe in Jesus Christ. He saved me. He is my Savior. Forever I will love Him and forever I will spend with Him.









9 Responses to “Here Goes Nothin’”

  1. penoybalut Says:

    Wow, what an awesome post. This is definitely inspiring. I liked what you said about drawing them in not for yourself but to point to Him. .. This blog is doing just that.


    Keep it going…

  2. lsbabies Says:

    Beautifully written. Beautiful.

  3. candidchatter Says:

    Thank you both so much!

  4. Mel Says:

    What an awesome testimony you are. A beautiful, honest, walking testimony to the Father who created you and pulled you back to Himself. I admire you for being so candid. I love ya girl. No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done- I love you for who you are NOW. Who Christ has made you to be. 🙂

  5. candidchatter Says:

    I love you too, Mel! Thanks!

  6. Jaymi Says:

    How awesome that you are not there anymore! You are proof that God can work miracles! We all make mistakes and it is what we do with them in the end. Some are harder to admitt to then others. Hopefully other people in bad situations will read this and know that there is a way out and It is through God. I am proud of you!!!!!!!!

  7. candidchatter Says:

    Thanks Jaymi. You’re a sweetheart!


  8. Denise Says:

    I LOVE YOU!!! I am so humbled by your honesty. I was reminded today at curch how often we all say, “Good” or “fine” when we are asked how things are going or how we are doing. I stopped in my tracks this morning when asked that question and I answered something along the lines of..’I’m in the valley but I know that God has something beautiful for me down the road….I sure miss the mountain top…’ The look on the volunteer’s face was almost of mortification! {is that a word? in that context}????anyway. It is nice to see honesty and humility in people. I am also reminded that everytime I see someone who is like you describe yourself as being in the past, or when I se my own proverbial “twin” BC…I thank God everyday and also thank Him for allowing me one more day in His presence. Most of us are just a day or two away from what we could have been…He changed our hearts and our us seemed like HIm ..a blink of an eye! Please excuse all run on sentences and poor grammar…forget spell check…:) LOL

  9. candidchatter Says:

    Denise: I love you too and thank you for being y-o-u. I will pray that you’ll be on the top of the mountain again soon. I am also in a major slump, but I am hopeful and keeping my eyes to the sky, girl. XO!!


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