Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Get Me Over This, Dear God! Please! April 30, 2008

Filed under: All In the Family — candidchatter @ 8:21 am

Yesterday as I drove to WalMart for some diapers since my 2 year old has decided to completely relapse on the whole potty training issue, my mind wandered over to this here blog of mine. I have quite a few things developing in my skull for topics to post on. Most are just blips and not full thoughts yet. I’ll allow them to develop. I usu pray that God will use me. I try to allow Him to do His work in me before I bring anything up, esp the controversial stuff. Esp when it’s personal controversial stuff that I have had to struggle with at some point in my life. For those of you who are new to my site, you can see my posts about an alcoholic ex-husband, miscarriage, memorial tattoo (here and here), herpes, forgiveness, crystal meth, drug use, and wrath — just to name a few (click on the blue words to see the posts).

Today I am going to talk about something that gets my blood boiling. It’s a relationship I have and my failure in it. I’m sure this is probably another lesson in humility and forgiveness.

Forgiveness – I harp on this one a lot. I have to admit that I can carry a rather large chip on my shoulder for a long time. Just ask her. To other people, I have described our relationship as “water and oil”. We butt heads a lot. Recently, she infuriated me in the deepest way one could. I have often wondered, since that incident, if someone else had said or done what she said and did would I have reacted the same way? Truthfully, I don’t really know. But somewhere deep inside I think I probably wouldn’t have. So is there some sort of deep-seated resentment that I carry from somewhere back in time that causes me to so get so hurt so easily by her? Do my emotions really hang in the balance that thinly when it comes to her? Do I really need her approval or acceptance that much? Why does she get under my skin like that? Why do I worry over her? What is wrong with me? Is it really her… or [gasp] is it really me? Introspective chatter there. I have an unresolved issue somewhere that needs to be resolved in order for me to get over this; whatever “this” is. I need to move on to forgiveness.

What is stopping me?

What is the problem?

Do I love her too little?

Or

Do I love her too much?

Too much because she breaks my heart so easily?

How do I find the answers? How do I forgive and turn the other way? How do I make it not hurt me?

How?

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5 Responses to “Get Me Over This, Dear God! Please!”

  1. Lana Says:

    did you draw that?
    i think i know who it is

  2. candidchatter Says:

    You know who it is. I’ve described our relationship as “water and oil” to you before.

    No, I didn’t draw that picture. I chose it because of the way the two girls almost look as if they don’t really want to hold hands, but they are to pose for the picture. Does it look that way to you too? Forced. No smiles on their faces. Only contact is their hands. Younger one leans slightly to the left. Older one’s feet are facing away from younger one. A rift. But a bond as well. Do you see it? Anyway, I thought it fit perfectly with this situation.

    Oh, and their features fit too. Hair — mine is dark, hers is light. I am older, she is younger.

  3. Carey Says:

    I think we all have relationships similar to what you’re describing in your post today…I hope you can dig deep and figure out what it is that causes you to feel this way. I don’t know who this person is to you-I’m guessing she’s pretty close, because, if she wasn’t you wouldn’t care so much. Please don’t take too long to figure it out and work out how you feel, life is just too short. I had two brothers and now they’re both gone. I’m not trying to lecture at all just offer what advice I know. (which might not be that much!) Good luck and I’ll be praying for you and your relationship. 🙂

    ((((((((HUGS)))))))))

    Carey from MI

  4. I tend to think you care to much about what this person thinks, or her actions would not hurt so much. I’ll pray that you’ll be able to forgive and forget. Life is to short not to…

    BTW…I totally agree with what you said about Miley Cyrus!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. 🙂

  5. candidchatter Says:

    Carey: I’ve been chewing on this one for a couple of weeks now. Maybe for a lifetime?? Thank you for the prayer! 🙂

    Jennifer: You are right — I do care too much. Always have, I suppose. Thanks for stopping by mine, girlie. 🙂

    HR


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