This show was such a favorite of mine. Cracked me the heck up weekly. I even watched the reruns all summer long. Didn’t matter. It still made me throw my head back with outbursts of laughter.
So I fit in an alien family today. I feel outside of the loop. You know, I realized something yesterday and it bothers me to a point. When I was married to my ex-husband I spent little to no time with my family (parents, brothers, sisters). He was such a jerk and they couldn’t stand him. I think my dad’s blood literally boiled with the mere mention of my x’s name. Yeah, I know it did. So for about 4 years I was out of touch even though I lived 15 minutes away.
After that relationship ended, I moved to Florida. I met my sweet Rich online and went to stay with relatives so I could meet up with him in person. I will spare you the incredibly long story and just say this — I was still very much out of touch with my family. The two family relationships that I concentrated on the most were with my dad and mom. It’s not that my siblings didn’t matter to me. They did and they do. But I had been out of touch for so long and my own life needed my utmost attention that I just didn’t invest much in them. I was very selfish and focused on moving my life forward with major momentum. It worked, but it cost me my relationship with my sisters & brothers.
We moved back to Ohio for 5 years. We had our daughter, Brianna. When she was 7 months old we moved back to Florida. We’ve been here 3 years now and have our son, Jeremy. So all this time, years and years, and all this stuff — wedding, moving about, having babies, and so on — and I still have little of a true relationship with any of my siblings. I am closest to my two sisters, Katie and Andrea. My other two sisters are each other’s best friends and it has always been that way. My brother, Tim, and I will always be close in heart. Always. But I know him very little. My brother, Ryan, and I have a deep love bond, but beyond that we don’t really “get” each other. Until recently, this was all fine with me.
But Andrea’s wedding has shined a light on the missing for me. What’s missing? I don’t know any of them very well. None. The ones I thought I knew I realize I don’t. I get my feelings hurt very easily b/c I don’t understand them. Why doesn’t this one return my phone calls, why doesn’t this one return my e-mails, why doesn’t that one send pictures of the kids to us, why won’t they visit us when vacations are planned, why don’t they call? Being at a loss for the majority of things, I have to rely on my perceptions or other’s perceptions. It’s frustrating and misleading.
Some days it’s nice being the one who is missed.
But when my mom doesn’t call me (ever) or answer my e-mails (hardly ever). And my siblings are a mystery to me — most of the time. It causes me to wonder. Where do I fit?
Alien to them. Not a part of it all. My choice to move away. But can’t I still fit in?
I guess the damage has been in the making for a long time. From isolation during my 1st marriage, to living 1000 miles away. Out of sight, out of mind?
Is it my fault? Theirs? No one’s? Just the way the cookie crumbles?
How do you fit in to your family?