Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Insecurity June 12, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 8:32 pm
Tags: , , ,

I don’t know any women who are completely secure in who they are or what they look like. Some might be secure in themselves (the inner person), some might be secure in their looks, but not one is secure in BOTH.

I am pushing 9 weeks pregnant. I am showing. Ok. So it’s not really all baby. Not even half baby. Mostly it’s just that I cannot suck in the stomach my two blessed children have given me. I am also very bloated and swollen (just ask my boobs). I am sick as a dog — you all know this because I can’t seem to shut up about it. So anything tight around my stomach might as well be a torture device. Tight = extra pukey feeling. Today I got brave and wore straight maternity clothes. Pants. Shirt. And this is the most comfortable I have felt all darn week.

Insecurity plagues even pregnant women. Especially those like me who are on their umteenth pregnancy. This is my 4th. My poor aunt who has had herself 12 children starts wearing maternity clothes at the first sign of a missed period. Yeah. You get that stretched out. Yeah. Your body goes “oh heck yes I’m pregnant it’s time to bloat up and stick out all over the place”. Yeeee-freakin-haawww!! In walks evil mister insecurity.

And       It        Goes         Like          This

  • It’s too early for maternity clothes
  • It’s too late for regular clothes
  • It’s going to look silly
  • It’s going to be comfortable
  • People are going to gawk at me when they find out how far along I’m not
  • People are idiots — esp people who gawk and have never had a baby
  • Tall girls are lucky. They wouldn’t wear maternity clothes at 9 weeks.
  • Tall girls pants are too short. Wear them, you’ll feel so much better.
  • Ok fine. Let me just see how they fit.
  • Hecks no – forget how they fit, they FEEL like heaven.
  • Ha! Hello maternity clothes… goodbye sizes 4-10. See you in a year!

I have taken the plunge. I cannot control the fact that my body looks 4 months pregnant already. I started wearing maternity clothes with Brianna at 12 weeks, for Jeremy it was a mere 10 weeks, with my angel baby I had just pulled them out of the garage and hung them up in the closet, with this one just shy of 9 weeks. I might as well get a lot of use out of them since this is it and it’s a wardrobe that only lasts 7 months. Some ladies can get away with not wearing them for more than 5 months. Goodie goodie for them. I’ll get more bang for my buck then.

I am tempted to lie about my due date the next time I’m asked. Maybe I’ll say November so I won’t get a weird look. Strangers will never know the difference. Friends will just have to be nice and then laugh when I waddle walk away.

So here’s to the next 7 months. By the time the summer ends I’ll look like I’m ready to give birth. It all goes out and downhill from there. At least when I get that big the attention is more positive and nurturing than gawking and negative and causing embarrassment for something I cannot control. I wish my Grandpa M. was still alive. He thought women were most beautiful when pregnant. No wonder he and Grandma M. had 13 kids. If he were still here I’d call him just to hear him tell me how beautiful I look. Rich tries. But seriously. He is much more convincing when I’m slinking into the bedroom in a leopard print nightie that’s a size extra small. Yeah. He’ll have to wait awhile for that to happen again.

This is not me.


7 Responses to “Insecurity”

  1. Ali Says:

    Heidi, I can’t tell you how beautiful you are when you are pregant – every pic I have seen of you early or later in pregancy you are seriously GLOWING! Screw the other people, you are building another human, what do they know?? Love ya girlie, take it easy, stay comfy and relish the sickies and look forward to meeting a new member of the family!

  2. jalack Says:

    Thats my belly when I shave it….seriously though….My wife is hot when she is pregnant. I almost thought about trying on her maternity clothes because they look so comfortable, who cares what every one else thinks, they’re not pregnant.

  3. Mel Says:

    Babe, you would look beautiful in a paper sack. Bring on those maternity clothes! I was the same way with Ellie- 4th pregnancy, in maternity clothes before 10 weeks (I think I was 9 with her) and feeling very much whale-like until you really have a big enough belly for people to automatically know you are carrying a child, not just eating too many cheeseburgers!
    I can’t wait to see you on the 25th- belly and all!

  4. candidchatter Says:

    You gals/guy are so sweet. Thanks for making me feel it’s ok to look preggie this soon.

    I have 2 really cute and fun dresses I am actually excited to wear on my trip. That part of this maternity clothing stuff is going to be fun. I’ll get to eat and not worry about fitting in my clothes afterwards. I won’t get sick from them being too tight either. They are darling mama dresses and beyond comfy too. Mel, I’ll probably wear one when I come up to see you on the 25th. Flowery fun!!


  5. Shannon Says:

    Ha… I so understand this. And it continues afterward. I gained 70 pounds this last time and am down 50. These last 20 are fighting me with everything it has. I HATE being pregnant but when I see my two babies, in the end it is All worth. See ya in a week. Shannon

  6. mommyghee Says:

    If you need more great maternity clothes and don’t have time to shop check out [edited to remove solicitation]. Saves time and energy.

  7. candidchatter Says:

    MommyGhee: Although I appreciate your comments, I don’t appreciate the solicitation. I do not advertise and I request that you refrain from it as well. Your comments have been edited to remove your attempts to attract me and my readers to your websites. I will not be visiting either one of them. Spam is spam, girl.

    Thank you.

    Heidi Reed

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