I don’t know any women who are completely secure in who they are or what they look like. Some might be secure in themselves (the inner person), some might be secure in their looks, but not one is secure in BOTH.
I am pushing 9 weeks pregnant. I am showing. Ok. So it’s not really all baby. Not even half baby. Mostly it’s just that I cannot suck in the stomach my two blessed children have given me. I am also very bloated and swollen (just ask my boobs). I am sick as a dog — you all know this because I can’t seem to shut up about it. So anything tight around my stomach might as well be a torture device. Tight = extra pukey feeling. Today I got brave and wore straight maternity clothes. Pants. Shirt. And this is the most comfortable I have felt all darn week.
Insecurity plagues even pregnant women. Especially those like me who are on their umteenth pregnancy. This is my 4th. My poor aunt who has had herself 12 children starts wearing maternity clothes at the first sign of a missed period. Yeah. You get that stretched out. Yeah. Your body goes “oh heck yes I’m pregnant it’s time to bloat up and stick out all over the place”. Yeeee-freakin-haawww!! In walks evil mister insecurity.
And It Goes Like This
- It’s too early for maternity clothes
- It’s too late for regular clothes
- It’s going to look silly
- It’s going to be comfortable
- People are going to gawk at me when they find out how far along I’m not
- People are idiots — esp people who gawk and have never had a baby
- Tall girls are lucky. They wouldn’t wear maternity clothes at 9 weeks.
- Tall girls pants are too short. Wear them, you’ll feel so much better.
- Ok fine. Let me just see how they fit.
- Hecks no – forget how they fit, they FEEL like heaven.
- Ha! Hello maternity clothes… goodbye sizes 4-10. See you in a year!
I have taken the plunge. I cannot control the fact that my body looks 4 months pregnant already. I started wearing maternity clothes with Brianna at 12 weeks, for Jeremy it was a mere 10 weeks, with my angel baby I had just pulled them out of the garage and hung them up in the closet, with this one just shy of 9 weeks. I might as well get a lot of use out of them since this is it and it’s a wardrobe that only lasts 7 months. Some ladies can get away with not wearing them for more than 5 months. Goodie goodie for them. I’ll get more bang for my buck then.
I am tempted to lie about my due date the next time I’m asked. Maybe I’ll say November so I won’t get a weird look. Strangers will never know the difference. Friends will just have to be nice and then laugh when I waddle walk away.
So here’s to the next 7 months. By the time the summer ends I’ll look like I’m ready to give birth. It all goes out and downhill from there. At least when I get that big the attention is more positive and nurturing than gawking and negative and causing embarrassment for something I cannot control. I wish my Grandpa M. was still alive. He thought women were most beautiful when pregnant. No wonder he and Grandma M. had 13 kids. If he were still here I’d call him just to hear him tell me how beautiful I look. Rich tries. But seriously. He is much more convincing when I’m slinking into the bedroom in a leopard print nightie that’s a size extra small. Yeah. He’ll have to wait awhile for that to happen again.
This is not me.