Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Fluff vs No Fluff July 9, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 7:51 am

Ever notice how we greet each other? Women do and say one thing, men do and say another.

Woman to woman: “Hey, girl” [give hug] “You look great. I love your hair.”
Man to man: “Hey” [maybe a handshake]

Woman to woman: “Hi. Thanks for inviting us over.” [give hug] “I love your house. You decorate so cute.”
Man to man: “Hey” [maybe a handshake]

Seriously. Women feel the need to fluff each other. Men don’t. Not that men never compliment one another, but it’s not a habitual greeting to compliment each other’s hair, shoes, clothes, wallet, car, house, kids, figure, etc. Am I wrong?

How weird would this sound?
Man to man: “Hey dude. Nice haircut. Wow, great arms. Do you workout? You must because you look so thin. You have lost weight. Man, you look good. Nice shoes. Are those Birkenstocks?”

I know. If any of that ever came out of Rich’s mouth, I’d either die laughing or wonder if he had been invaded by body snatchers.

So the same when we argue disagree. Women take sides. Men don’t. Women will create an opportunity for one-upmanship (is that a word?). Men could care the heck less.

Woman to friend: “So she said all this and then I was all upset and she is just so inconsiderate and mean.”
Friend: “She has always been a little witchy. You know I would never do that to you. She must not know what real friendship is all about. I am loyal to you, girl. I got your back.”
Woman to friend: “Thanks, girl. You’re the best.”

Man to friend: “Hey dude. Jeff isn’t gonna make it to the car show.”
Friend: “Cool. Let’s go fishing then.”
Man to friend: “Cool.”

Complete honesty is not the norm in female relationships. Imagine with me for a moment if we were totally honest with one another. No fluff.

Woman to woman: “Hey, girl. How are you? Have you gained weight? That shirt is the wrong color for your skin tone. What the heck happened to your hair? I have a hairdresser who can fix that for you. You have lipstick on your teeth. Girl, you are mess. Let’s go home and start over. Are you sick? Maybe you should just take a nap.”

Man to man: “Dude, you look like hell. Wanna go get a beer?”

Ok so the women would NEVER say that to each other. But the men totally would. Totally.

The thing is, men don’t get offended by their lack of fluff. However, we women completely do. If we are going to ‘go there’ and speak our minds we better tread carefully. We better fluff it all up with smiles and hugs and compliments and say this thing that needs to be said, but with undertones of “but I still love your hair and I still think you’re gorgeous and nice and funny and the best mom on the planet and you’re so worthy and I don’t want to hurt your fragile little emotional state of well-being”. It’s starting to annoy me to the point that I think I might be on my way to seeming uncaring and disconnected.

I’m 35 years old folks. I am sick of fluff. I am tired of the stupid game we play. It’s stupid. Why can’t we disagree about something without pulling out the artillery and shooting arrows into each other’s backs every chance we get and then fighting for position as the most awesome #1 stick by your side through thick and thin bestest friend forever in the whole universe because we’re sisters afterall and gosh I just love you so much I am going to cry?? Give me a highly rational big fat giant super stupendous BREAK!

I don’t do high maintenance friends. I don’t have time. I don’t have the desire. I break up with people easily. I also don’t do superficial relationships. Nope. If you can’t be authentic. If you can’t respect my opposing opinion. If you can’t be mature in our friendship. Well… then we can’t be friends.

And. I. Have. Lots. Of. Friends.


No other type of personality will do. Flaws and all.

Am I guilty of behaving like this? You betcha! And I can’t wait to change cuz I really do hate it.
I have decided I don’t want drama in my life anymore. I am completely sick of it. So over it. So.

Who’s with me on this one?


10 Responses to “Fluff vs No Fluff”

  1. Hey girl…nice post…nice writing…been taking writing classes…because it sure does show…

    How’s that for fluffing you up?

    I work for an organization for women…run by women…mainly employeed by women…there are like 15 of us men who work here and 100 women…

    Want to talk about fluff…want to talk about the differences in men and women…Girl, the things I could tell you!

  2. candidchatter Says:

    I am sure you could go on for days. And days. And years.

  3. wbppsh7 Says:

    I totally know what you mean and I stay away from stuff like that. I much prefer working with men than women. Too many women need/crave/desire drama – let me tell you, I’m not one of them. I do my thing and you do yours. We will get along okay, even if you are a person that I can only handle in small doses!!!!

    Take care of you – I hope you are feeling a little better today!

  4. carey Says:

    I’m with ya! It seems the older I get the less fluff I participate in!

    I can’t do it either Heidi! Because most of the time it’s fake.

    I do enjoy your post though, and that’s the truth!



  5. tony Says:

    point taken – it took you 6,000 words to say what a man can say in two words – women gossip

  6. candidchatter Says:

    Tony: ROFL!! Yeah it did, didn’t it? Blahhhh!! It’s a sickness, really it is.


  7. Lauren Says:

    LOL! I totally agree! 😉

  8. Jason Says:

    You must know my wife. She has got to be one of the most get to the point people I have ever met. If your the same way then Rich is very lucky. I feel like hell, think I’ll go get a beer….

  9. Lynda Says:

    After I stopped laughing, I realized just how true this post is. I mean, men do tend to practice conversational Feng Shui, that is they remove a lot of the clutter from their responses. Of course, I’m not sure this is always a good thing, as it tends to throw us women off balance. Sigh. Why can’t it ever be easy?

  10. I agreed with you

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