Ever notice how we greet each other? Women do and say one thing, men do and say another.
Woman to woman: “Hey, girl” [give hug] “You look great. I love your hair.”
Man to man: “Hey” [maybe a handshake]
Woman to woman: “Hi. Thanks for inviting us over.” [give hug] “I love your house. You decorate so cute.”
Man to man: “Hey” [maybe a handshake]
Seriously. Women feel the need to fluff each other. Men don’t. Not that men never compliment one another, but it’s not a habitual greeting to compliment each other’s hair, shoes, clothes, wallet, car, house, kids, figure, etc. Am I wrong?
How weird would this sound?
Man to man: “Hey dude. Nice haircut. Wow, great arms. Do you workout? You must because you look so thin. You have lost weight. Man, you look good. Nice shoes. Are those Birkenstocks?”
I know. If any of that ever came out of Rich’s mouth, I’d either die laughing or wonder if he had been invaded by body snatchers.
So the same when we argue disagree. Women take sides. Men don’t. Women will create an opportunity for one-upmanship (is that a word?). Men could care the heck less.
Woman to friend: “So she said all this and then I was all upset and she is just so inconsiderate and mean.”
Friend: “She has always been a little witchy. You know I would never do that to you. She must not know what real friendship is all about. I am loyal to you, girl. I got your back.”
Woman to friend: “Thanks, girl. You’re the best.”
Man to friend: “Hey dude. Jeff isn’t gonna make it to the car show.”
Friend: “Cool. Let’s go fishing then.”
Man to friend: “Cool.”
Complete honesty is not the norm in female relationships. Imagine with me for a moment if we were totally honest with one another. No fluff.
Woman to woman: “Hey, girl. How are you? Have you gained weight? That shirt is the wrong color for your skin tone. What the heck happened to your hair? I have a hairdresser who can fix that for you. You have lipstick on your teeth. Girl, you are mess. Let’s go home and start over. Are you sick? Maybe you should just take a nap.”
Man to man: “Dude, you look like hell. Wanna go get a beer?”
Ok so the women would NEVER say that to each other. But the men totally would. Totally.
The thing is, men don’t get offended by their lack of fluff. However, we women completely do. If we are going to ‘go there’ and speak our minds we better tread carefully. We better fluff it all up with smiles and hugs and compliments and say this thing that needs to be said, but with undertones of “but I still love your hair and I still think you’re gorgeous and nice and funny and the best mom on the planet and you’re so worthy and I don’t want to hurt your fragile little emotional state of well-being”. It’s starting to annoy me to the point that I think I might be on my way to seeming uncaring and disconnected.
I’m 35 years old folks. I am sick of fluff. I am tired of the stupid game we play. It’s stupid. Why can’t we disagree about something without pulling out the artillery and shooting arrows into each other’s backs every chance we get and then fighting for position as the most awesome #1 stick by your side through thick and thin bestest friend forever in the whole universe because we’re sisters afterall and gosh I just love you so much I am going to cry?? Give me a highly rational big fat giant super stupendous BREAK!
I don’t do high maintenance friends. I don’t have time. I don’t have the desire. I break up with people easily. I also don’t do superficial relationships. Nope. If you can’t be authentic. If you can’t respect my opposing opinion. If you can’t be mature in our friendship. Well… then we can’t be friends.
And. I. Have. Lots. Of. Friends.
No other type of personality will do. Flaws and all.
Am I guilty of behaving like this? You betcha! And I can’t wait to change cuz I really do hate it.
I have decided I don’t want drama in my life anymore. I am completely sick of it. So over it. So.
Who’s with me on this one?