Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Adoption July 21, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 10:21 am
Tags: , , , ,

This comes in many forms… international, domestic, relinquishing parental rights to a family member. Are any of my readers adopted? I know a few of you have adopted children.

We were watching Discovery Health Channel again today. There was a program about infertility. I couldn’t help but wonder if all that money that couples pour into trying so very hard to have a biological baby was used to adopt instead, how would that affect the world we live in and the amount of children needing loving homes? I wonder. Non-judgmental wonder, by the way. But wonder. Hmm.

I want to adopt internationally. That door is sealed tightly shut at the moment. To supplement my desire, in the future I will do medical mission trips which concentrate on orphans. I have a heart for the abandoned children of this world. God broke me on this issue when Brianna was a mere 3 months old. Never before, that I know of, had this idea crossed my mind. Yet, there it is etched on my heart like the Ten Commandments were etched on those stones.

How do you feel about adoption? Are you in the process? Are you, like me, feeling the call but getting a big fat giant can’t get any bolder “NO” from your spouse? Are you like my husband and have absolutely no desire to have children that don’t come from you biologically?

If you have adopted, please chime in about your experience(s). I love this subject. Dearly!!

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9 Responses to “Adoption”

  1. Ali Says:

    I considered adoption before I was married. I can’t seem to remember what the reasoning was other than, if I could never conceive. Obviously at that time it wasn’t something that I was obsessive about so I never did research as to where I would adopt from. But I still think about it now and again, I just think that the process is so hard that I don’t know if I could get through it. As you know, I did conceive one beautiful child and I’m good with that at this point. However that beautiful child has been talking about “baby sisters” lately. hahaha gotta love that!

  2. lighthousegal Says:

    I have 2 miracle children from China. We were blessed to have been led to adoption before we poured our entire savings into fertility treatments. What I wish we had not done was spend so much time on fertility issues. We would love to adopt 1 more child – but right now that door is staying closed for various reasons. Hopefully in the future that door will be opened and out house will welcome one more wonderful miracle!

    We did look into domestic adoptions through the state, but after 3 failed attempts, we decided that we could not take the emotional turmoil any longer (especially not after infertility issues). It was only after a friend of mine adopted from China that we seriously looked into international adoption and realized that it would require no more monetary commitment than a private (in fact less money), we seriously prayed about it and felt that all the reasons we were unable to conceive and unable to find the child to bring into our home here in the States was because God had children for us in China. He did – and they are perfect for our family. The funny thing is, people will ask about their adoption and sometimes it will take me a minute to remember that I don’t look anything like them! They are my children, not my adopted children.

  3. daphne Says:

    My husband and I are open to adoption and/or fostering one day. We have always been. After our first baby died at birth, and we were not sure we could have more children, we would have spent all we had and all we could borrow to have a biological child. Could the money be better spent feeding the starving children around the world? Maybe.

    I totally hear that it is a non judgemental wonder, so this is a totally non judgemental response; until you walk in the shoes of those spending big dollars on infertility, I think it is unfair to even suggest they do anything other than what they are doing.

    I have always been for adoption because it hurts my heart to think of any child being unwanted. We planned to have one of our own and adopt the rest. Did not happen. We had one. She died. We were blessed with 3 more before I was forced to have a hystorectomy. Only now are we talking adoption again. I work with many women facing infertility now in my pregnancy and infant loss support ministry and while I still may not know how they feel, I do know many who would be very hurt if I suggested they stop fertility treatment and look into adoption. Just saying. Grace & Peace, daphne

  4. Mel Says:

    I have dreamed for years of adopting. My dream is pretty specific, and somewhat realistic. Our church has close connections with an orphanage in Liberia, and also in Kenya. I really would love to have a little boy from one of those areas. Definitely Africa though- it holds a special place in my heart because of a few reasons…also I dream of one day doing long-term missions work (maybe for a year or so) in Thika, Kenya. Someday, not while the kids are little.

  5. mark diebel Says:

    As an adoptee, transracial and transnational, I have very mixed feelings about adoption itself.

    Everyone who adopts should read and learn from a variety of adoptees… check out some adoptee blogs. If you want to adopt internationally, read what some transnationally adopted adults are saying.

    Both of my adoptive parents have died. I’m 52… married, a grandparent… but my whole history still matters to me… the stories of my birth… where I lived as an orphan… the people and places haven’t left my heart. I’ve been given much… and much has been stolen from me. This is the basis for my ambivalence.

    Adoption is a social institution… made and practiced by ordinary people… even with good hearts… ordinary people. I don’t like it.

  6. bub Says:

    I’m adopted and am so grateful that my birth mother made what must have been a gut wrenching and soul shattering decision to put me up for adoption. I often wonder what the specifics were but I was adopted by two people that wanted nothing but the best for me. How amazing is that? I’ll pray that God changes your husband’s heart. Love your blog!

  7. candidchatter Says:

    Thanks for commenting folks. Keep it coming. These stories are so interesting to me!!

    Heidi

  8. Lana Says:

    adoption is great.
    esp. domestic adoption and fostering which is… free.
    when people put aside race.

    people spend their money on what they want.
    i guess I’d rather see people spend 100 grand on trying for a biological baby rather than say an over-the-top wedding (or even an engagement ring).
    but what weighs more a pound of feathers or a pound of lead?

  9. candidchatter Says:

    Daphne: I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad you shared your story about your daughter. Sounds like many women are being blessed through your experience. Good for you for starting a ministry that helps women who are struggling with infertility and/or loss. That’s awesome!

    Lana: Personally, I doubt I could do foster care. I know 2 people who have and their stories are heart-wrenching. There is only so much heartache I can take and seeing children who have been severely abused or holding a crying crack baby around the clock is too much for me. One person had a young toddler brought to the family with cigarette burns over the child’s entire body. The foster father wanted to beat that child’s biological father to a pulp. It was so disturbing and harsh and they couldn’t bathe the child without crying. After a few weeks, almost once the burns were healed, the child was returned to its bio family. What the??? That’s just one of many, many stories I’ve been told from real life foster parents. Some people are made for that. Some, like me, aren’t. I would lose complete faith in our judicial/social system, as if it’s not already damaged. But, you know what I mean. As for domestic adoption… nope, can’t do that either. More heart-wrenching stories of children being adopted and then ripped out of their adoptive homes and returned to their bio families. No thanks. I can’t handle that emotional turmoil either. To get attached to a child and then lose him/her. There are other reasons, but I can’t post them here for fear of upsetting a certain group of people. If we ever adopt, it will be international. The parents won’t get their child back. Period. And it costs about the same as, sometimes less than, domestic adoption. I’m just being honest.

    Heidi


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