Candid Chatter

Just Say It

It’s Been 10 Years Already August 1, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 7:27 am

I met my husband online by accident 10 years plus a few months ago. Ten. Time flies. We will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary in November — on the day that my youngest sister gets married. She stalks me. Yep. She even wants to be a nurse. Stalker. LOL! Teasing.

Anyway… here is what I have learned about love and marriage in 10+ years.

  1. Passion dies after about 2 months of marriage. My husband might say it dies the day after the wedding. He might be right. So you will have to work at igniting the fire because some things need a little shaking up to keep from becoming routine. If sex becomes routine, it gets boring and then it starts to dwindle. You go from every other day to every other week to every other month. Ok. Maybe not like that. But it dwindles if you’re not careful.
  2. You will both gain weight unless you’re a triathlete or olympic champion or something outrageous. You will — so be ready for it. You will eventually lose it — if you try. But count on gaining at least 10 pounds in the first 2 years.
  3. The goo-goo feeling you have when you first meet will melt into giving him the middle finger behind his back as he walks out the door to go to work in the morning. There will be those days when you wonder what your life would have been like had you remained single. Hopefully these days will be few and far between. Marriage is give and take. Mostly give. If you can’t give and sacrifice because you love him, then you have no business marrying him. And vise versa. Grow your servant heart or never, and I mean never, get married.
  4. You will learn to lean on someone hard in the hardest times. You will find the meaning of “one flesh” when tragedy strikes. You will lose things… money, loved ones, jobs, etc. and it will affect you as a couple. You will come together like you never imagined. It’s the greatest bond besides the one you’ll share with your children.
  5. You better better better better learn how to forgive. You just better. If you cannot forgive your spouse, and believe me there will come a time when this will hit you smack in the face, then you should just walk away before you buy your wedding gown. Forgiveness is one gigantic part of marriage. You might think your boyfriend or fiance is pretty rootin tootin right now. And he probably is. But there will be that time when he disappoints you and you never even saw it coming. You have to learn to work through it and forgive and trust when your heart has been broken.
  6. Dreams might be shattered, but you will need to keep on keepin on. Here is another part of the leaning on each other. Not all plans you’ve made will work out. Rarely will they work out as you planned anyway. Sometimes they will flat out fail. You have to be rock solid in the failures.
  7. Empty yourself of pride right now as you read this sentence. You will vomit, poop, fart, pick your nose, bleed, tweeze your brows, and other not so romantic things in front of each other. If you plan to have children, be ready for some bodily grossness. Seriously.
  8. If you do decide to have children, you need to be on the same page regarding how you’ll handle just about everything from discipline to where you’ll spend the holidays. Trust me when I say if you are not on the same page about something it is best to discuss it and come to a compromise now rather than hash it out in front of the innocent lovlies later. You don’t want Junior to hear about how much you hate your mother-in-law’s cooking or how much your husband hates the smell of your parent’s condo. I don’t know. But you will need to have this worked out prior. You’ll save yourselves a lot of stress and more middle fingers behind the back.
  9. Honesty really is the best policy. There is nothing like getting caught in a lie by your spouse. If you feel like you have to lie about something then maybe there is an issue that needs tackled. Whatever you do NEVER lie about money. Don’t do it. Don’t.
  10. Remember seasons come and seasons go. It’s not always going to be summer fun times. Sometimes winter storms blow in some massive blizzards that shut off the power and freeze you to the bone. Remember that after winter comes spring. Rebirth. Renewal. Fresh start. Love will stand all tests if it is true. Sometimes it’s flowery paradise and other times it seems like hell on earth. Stick together. Trust each other. Sacrifice for one another. Communicate. Be authentic. You’ll make it — if you try.

What would you add
to this list?

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3 Responses to “It’s Been 10 Years Already”

  1. jalack Says:

    It will help you so much in the long run if your first love is Jesus Christ. This may sound like a good “christain” answer but it is so true. I was married once before and it only lasted 7 1/2 years because I didn’t put Christ first in my marriage, life, relationships.

  2. bub Says:

    Great post, I think I should pin it up on the refrigerator. My wife and I met online as well, technology is pretty amazing! It’s funny you mention the hard times bonding you. We are going through it right now, and you are right! We try to keep God #1 in our hearts, thoughts, and actions. When we do that, our problems and differences don’t seem so pronounced. Really glad I found your blog, have a great day!

  3. candidchatter Says:

    Jason: Right on!! I was hoping someone would add that.

    Bub: Welcome. I’ll say a prayer for you and your wife. Thanks for stopping in and commenting. Please come back again soon.

    Heidi


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