Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Harmony August 14, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 8:56 pm
Tags: , ,

I met her in my English 101 class almost a year ago. She sat next to me. Well, sort of. I like to spread out. So she sat two seats away because I had to use one seat for my bookbag. That’s just me.

Anyway, as the semester rolled on we chit chatted here and there when we could. During a couple of writing projects we bounced ideas off of each other. I found out she is going to school so she can be a veterinarian. She is an animal lover. I didn’t share my thoughts about animals with her. Even I know when to shut up sometimes.

One of our writing assignments was to write about an experience that changed our lives. It was to be descriptive and narrative. We were to capture a moment in time. Not a long span of time. A second, a minute, a few hours, a day. But that was the limit. I wrote about the first 8 hours after my daughter was born. I got an “A”.

She wrote about finding her son dead in his crib one morning shortly after he was born. SIDS.

For no reason with no real diagnosis. Just not breathing. In his bed. Still. No motion. She found him in the morning. He didn’t wake her up in the night. She slept. He died. The doctor told her he believed the baby may have suffocated on his own spit-up, but that he was diagnosing it as SIDS.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

When she told me about this my heart felt like it stopped. I felt the deepest sadness I think I have ever felt for someone in my life. Instantly thoughts of my own two children flashed through my mind. Oh thank you God they are alive and healthy.

Harmony also has a 4 year old daughter. She started to cry a little, said she needed to stop talking about it and focus on her notes for awhile. I let her be. Then later, during our break, she told me she lives for her daughter who brings her joy every day. I didn’t ask her any more questions about her baby boy. I started the mommy talk about her daughter because I had a 3 year old at home. Our conversation became loose and funny and relaxed. Mommy talk.

I haven’t seen Harmony since December of last year. I never made it to our final exam because the day before I was to take it I lost our baby through miscarriage. The day of the exam I had the D&C procedure. I wasn’t sure if she’d be in my English Lit class last spring or not. She wasn’t.

I went to Target today. When I was heading to the cash register area I saw Harmony. It was brief. Our eyes met, I recognized her about 10 paces past looking at her, and when I turned back around she was gone. But I did see that she is pregnant. She looks as far along as I do. She might be further though. I am big for my gestational age — third child (4th pregnancy) and all.

Please, Christians, pray for Harmony and her child. I may never know the outcome so updating you on what happens with her pregnancy and the life of her child will be something we’ll have to find out later when we can ask God ourselves. But pray anyway.

May God bless you, Harmony, and that child you are carrying in your womb. May you never suffer another loss. May your children grow up healthy, normal, and vibrant. May they be as beautiful as you are — inside and out. May the protection and love of the Lord surround you and them all the days of your lives. Amen.

Pray for Harmony.


7 Responses to “Harmony”

  1. jalack Says:

    Praying hard for her Heidi. With the birth of my new little man…I don’t want to think about life without my kids, if something happened to them I don’t think I would be worth killing. I can’t tell you the number of nightmares I have had about loosing my kids, I don’t think I have had a goodnights sleep since my divorce, I just don’t sleep well if they are not with me. I have to check on Bennett every morning when I get up, I HAVE to know that he is ok.

  2. candidchatter Says:

    Jason: I am the most worried and frazzled mom on the planet the first 12 months of my kid’s lives. I don’t get much sleep. Even when they are asleep you can find me checking on them just to be sure they are still breathing. When Bree was born I woke up at every little squeak or noise she made. That means I got NO sleep. My knees would buckle while I was walking I was so tired. I put her in the bassinet right beside my bed. I mean mattress to bassinet. Then, when she got a bit older, I stuck her right in bed with me so I could be right with her at all times. Jeremy slept in my bed almost from the word “go”. I have the crib ready to assemble in my bedroom right now for this new baby. It will be so close to my bed that if I sneeze the baby would feel it. Reality — the baby won’t sleep there except for naps. At night he or she will be right beside me. I am a freaking freak when they are little. My sister, Heather, loves the infant time. Not me. I am a ball of nerves wound so tightly. It’s terrible on everyone because I am not myself and unable to relax. I know how you feel. Deeply. I know it.


  3. As the father of a six month, 11 day old son…when do the nerves let up?

    I haven’t gotten to that point yet…

  4. jalack Says:

    Well my oldest will be eleven years old in Dec. and it is easing a little. My daughters are 7 and I’m not sure if that will ever go away. But thats just me brother.

  5. candidchatter Says:

    Steve: They never let up completely. They just change. You go from worrying about SIDS to worrying about him reaching the cleaning supplies or sticking his fingers in an electric outlet to reaching knives to ingesting Icy Hot (no joke that has happened) to getting kidnapped or hit by a car backing out of the driveway or molested or drowning… I could go on forever. My mom says you never stop worrying about your kids — even when they aren’t so much “kids” anymore. She says you will worry about some more than others (when they’re older) but you still worry about them all. That’s from a woman of seven. Sorry, man, no good news there.


  6. candidchatter Says:

    “that’s from a woman of seven”
    should read
    “that’s from a woman WITH seven”

    typing too darn fast today


  7. Debateur Says:

    I remember my daughter at that age and frantically checking her every couple of hours. I was always terrified of SIDS. Now that she’s older I still worry it’s just about different things.

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