Candid Chatter

Just Say It

How Many is Too Many? September 22, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 11:27 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Know what’s been happening to me a lot lately? I’ll tell you since you’ll never guess.

I get this comment every day that I am out of my house by some ignoramous.
“Why are you having another baby when you already have a girl and a boy?”
And the ignoramous who asks me this question is serious. I think this ignoramous also has a lot of guts to ask a hormonal, outspoken, pregnant chick such an ignorant and personal question. It’s like teasing a rattlesnake. Dumb move.

So what am I to do? This side of me thinks I ought to start shooting the people who say these airheaded things to put them out of their absolute misery. This side of me feels a need to explain the personal decision my husband and I made about the size of our family.

The next assumption is this… “so I suppose this is your last then”. As if that is anyone’s business in the first place.

Who decided it was ok to ask complete strangers about their family choices and plans? Who made it perfectly normal to say these things to pregnant women or their spouses?

How absurd that society thinks I have a big family because of my soon to be 3 children. I’ll show you a big family. I’ll show you the best childhood ever and the most love ever and the greatest family on the planet. I’ll show you all of my aunts and uncles and cousins; my mom and dad and siblings; my grandparents and nieces and nephews. You’ve never seen such a family I guess. Holidays are absolute blow-out events. Fun for the entire family. More presents under a Christmas tree than you’ve ever laid your beedy little eyes on.

I have decided not to give a true response anymore. From now on I am going to say this…
They ask me: “why are you having another baby when you already have a girl and a boy”
I am going to say:to rid the world of people who ask ignorant and personal questions they have no business asking — if there are more of us, then there are less of you”

They might say: “so I suppose this is your last child then”
My response: uh, yeah, last time I checked the size of my family was not up for discussion — esp with a perfect stranger”

What do you think?
Will it work?
It’s like the idiot
who asks a non-pregnant
woman when she’s due!!

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21 Responses to “How Many is Too Many?”

  1. Holly Says:

    Perfect. My best friend was asked by random people why her and her husband have decided not to have kids (since they were married for a couple years already). The audacity!!!!
    Not to mention, they had been TRYING and it was a heartbreaking effort for them to go through.

    And – I often get “why haven’t you married yet?’ hmmm … let me guess … (oh and I get this from family members with CLEAR long-term memory loss).

    So, for my friend we decided on this response:

    “Even tho I have been married now X years – the thought of loosing my virginity still scares me , I heard it hurts and I don’t do pain well!”

    and for me, I used to say “Yea! Good Idea, maybe I’ll try to do just that!”

    But, we decided a better way to shut them up (and make them wonder … ahahaha -evil witch cackle laugh) I should now be replying with this:

    “I would, but they haven’t legalized my “kind” of marriage yet in this state!”

    PAZ!

  2. candidchatter Says:

    Holly: You have GOT to be kidding me!! Really… this surprises me not the least little bit. Some people are complete morons! Anyway, I love your responses. Made me laugh till I snorted. Good ones!

    Heidi

  3. I can’t believe my good fortune I found you. I feel luckier than a dog sitting under the dinner table. YOU MAKE ME LAUGH!!! And what’s up with that same ignoramous giving parenting tips once the kid arrives!!!???

    Roxx

  4. daphne Says:

    I was suprized at how many non Christians were appalled at my pregnancy for our 3rd living daughter. THEN to add insult to injury, I got judged by many Christians for having a mandatory hystorectomy. Whatever. I am working on responding rather than reacting since people often seem to be innapropriate.

  5. candidchatter Says:

    Daphne: I am just waiting for the judgment call on our decision to have a tubal ligation. Actually, I don’t know if I’ll be telling anyone that beyond my “circle”. My peeps know I want to adopt. Plus, this has been the absolute hardest pregnancy on the books for me. I guess at 35 I’m just not cut out for this anymore. Ugh! Anyway, we’ll see how that whole personal decision goes. 😉

    As a side note: I had a doctor appt today. I am measuring bigger than normal for my gestation. I told you so!!!! She said it’s more than likely because I am on my 4th pregnancy. I’m all stretched out in there. Yeeehaaaw!! [insert eyeroll]

    Heidi

  6. candidchatter Says:

    Roxx: Tell me about it!!!! You’re funny too and I love love love beyond love so much it made me cry your China adoption story. Your daughter is GORGEOUS!!! Oh I so want to do that. I soo soo do. Last year around this time we were beginning the process. That’s when Rich sat me down to tell me he wasn’t interested. It about broke me in two. I still have hope though. I still pray every day that his heart will change. Anyway, since you’re new I doubt you knew that about us. We were also looking into the China program.

    Heidi

  7. Debateur Says:

    Honestly I think big families are wonderful. I will always regret our inability to give my daughter a sibling.

  8. Let’s see…

    I would say, “Give him a finger…” Nah…not a good witness…

    You could call him stupid…Nah, you’ve promised the kids you would stop that…

    You could go postal on him…But, what will that benefit…

    My suggestion…just ignore it…

    At least your pregnancy will pass soon enough…you’d be surprised how many people come up and ask me about being bald…no joke…

    People are just rude, crude, and ignorant…

  9. Jason Says:

    you can always do what I do, start speaking a made up foreign language to see if they are stupid enough to talk louder thinking this will help you understand the words that are coming out of their pie hole, or better yet see if they insult you again since you obviously aren’t from here.

  10. Lana Says:

    “I’ll forgive you for asking, and forgive me for not answering…”

  11. lauren mom of 4 Says:

    I get the “Are you done yet?”, “Haven’t you figured out what causes that?”, “Don’t you folks own a tv?”, “Are you crazy?” and “Glad it’s not me.” comments ALL THE TIME!

    It was fun for the first few years, but now not so much. I always tell them we plan on a big family, my number has always been eight, but then I get even more comments.

    Somewhere saved on my computer I have a list of comebacks you can use for all the silly comments and questions you get just for being pregnant and having what some consider a big
    family. It’s a hoot, I’ll find it for you 🙂

  12. candidchatter Says:

    Lauren: I’ll bet you have heard them all. Lauren has 3 beautiful boys and 1 beautiful girl, folks. Awesome family!!

    Lana: That’s the best!! I can say that and not feel guilty. Love it!! Thanx!

    D: Love is all that matters. I know you give her plenty of that!!

    Steve: People comment on your bald head? Now why am I surprised by this? I don’t know, but I am. Unreal.

    Jason: LOL – I would crack up in the middle of my schtick and that would be the end of that.

    Heidi

  13. wbppsh7 Says:

    This is when Salt-n-Pepa comes in handy for me. Check out “None of your business” sometime. Good overall message even though it gets a little “nasty” I guess. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUbLfwcRKuk

  14. Candy Says:

    28 years ago I was asked the same question, and I always replied, “Because I want one of each.” After he was born, when people would ask me how many kids I had, I’d say “3 – one of each.” Many walked away puzzled. I was so busy “herding cats” I didn’t really care.

    I also used:
    “Because I can.”
    “I wanted an even number.”
    And simply “MYOB.”

  15. candidchatter Says:

    Candy: One of each!! ROFL!! I am TOTALLY going to use that. Leave them there scratching their empty heads for a minute. Ha!!!!

    Ali: “It’s nun o’ yo bizzness”. I forgot about that song. Love it!!

    Heidi

  16. anne Says:

    Yeah, people are morons. My friend who has 4 girls and home schools them gets strange looks/comments all the time in the grocery store, etc that she’s “got her hands full” and “should have been more responsible”. Whatever.

  17. candidchatter Says:

    After reading all of these responses I am wondering what my mom went through. She had 7 of us. I wonder if the comments were the same back when she was in her childbearing years. I’ll have to ask her. I wonder this because our society has changed so much that it seems almost against having more than 2 kids unless they are of the same gender.

    Hmmm.

    Heidi

  18. wbppsh7 Says:

    I get the whole “Got your hands full” kind of statement, however when it is taken to the next level of being responsible – that is just plain RUDE! You don’t know a persons religious/political beliefs, yet you ASSUME (and what do we know about that word?), that someone was NOT responsible?!?!?! WTF (excuse me HR!)??? I have known forever that Heidi has wanted a BIG family – she is from a big family and that is what she is accustomed too. For people like myself as an only child, that is what I’m accustomed to – People are just IGNORANT! Sorry HR – I’m off my soapbox now!

  19. candidchatter Says:

    Ali: Please… soapbox all you want. This is a hot topic. I am enjoying the conversation.

    Heidi

  20. Tymm Says:

    man… people never cease to amaze me. We lost our son before we could get to Africa to bring him home and we just recently returned with our daughter (from the same orphanage) – and the questions and comments people will make flat out floor me.

    How, why and how big a family is built is nobody’s business but the builders… good for you – give it to them…

  21. candidchatter Says:

    Tymm: Welcome. Congrats on the adoption of your precious little girl. My heart breaks for the loss of your son, though. I’m sorry for that. Thanks for stopping in and leaving a comment.

    Heidi Reed


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