Candid Chatter

Just Say It

The Apology October 20, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 11:45 am

You people don’t really know me.

I am generous. I am kind. I am funny. I am a lover. I am sensitive. You know all of these things because I tell you all these things about myself. It’s my blog and I choose to make myself look good on most days. Wouldn’t you?

But did you also know that I am cruel? I am short-tempered. I am flawed in character. I don’t live up to people’s expectations. I listen to gossip. I formulate opinions based on assumptions. I am judgmental.

I owe my brother’s fiance an apology. I sent her an apologetic e-mail because I don’t know how else to contact her. The other day I called her some very cruel names and ripped her a new one through e-mail. Nobody knows this except my family. One person confronted me on the issue. My youngest sister. She’s also the closest sibling to my heart and I respect her a great deal. She knew that. She was a safe choice. She knew I wouldn’t destroy our relationship because she is extra special to me. I have deep affection for her.

So, SR, I am sorry. Incase you don’t read the e-mail, but still read the blog. I am very, very sorry. I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. If not, I completely understand. I was wrong. I was so wrong that I knew better than to even ask anyone if I was wrong. Yeah. That’s conviction for ya.

I was reading the Bible yesterday and what Jesus says about people who do things like what I did. It made me cry. What a horrible example of Christianity I was to you. What a terrible witness to my faith. What a failure.

So here it is out in the open. I am not doing this for applause or to feel big or to look good. It is to show you that I am sincere and that I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I am not usually humble or kind. Even if someone says “you did the right thing” or “wow that was brave”. Uh uh. I am filthy and ugly on the inside and the way I treated you was a prime example of how far I have to go and how much I have to learn.

I am sorry, SR. Please forgive me.

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