Candid Chatter

Just Say It

For the Love of all that is Peaceful December 2, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 5:51 am

Literally less than 3 seconds. Click on it.

This past Sunday’s sermon at church was amazing. Ah-Maz-Ing! I go to the best church on the face of the earth, by the way.

Praise and worship was rockin’. Then they showed clips from the movie The Passion of the Christ. The crucifixion part. I can never get through that without crying or at least sucking back tears so hard my face turns inside itself. Then our pastor showed clips from something else — a movie or something — of a man who had to allow his young son to be killed in order to save a train full of people he didn’t know.

Ok, you SOOO don’t do that to a pregnant chick. Two emotional clips back to back. Uh uh. I was a mess. A mess, I tell you! Then I couldn’t find tissues close by. I tried to just sniff it up and wipe the puddles streaming down my cheeks with my hand. It wasn’t working. I finally decided rather than drip snot all over my lips, chin, neck, and shirt that I had better make a small scene and find some tissues near the aisle in the front. I found them, said my polite “excuse me”, and then went back to my seat.

The sermon was awesome — straight from Isaiah and Daniel — lots of prophesy fulfilled types of verses which (I don’t care who you are) is irrefutable evidence that Jesus is the Messiah, God in the flesh. Around 300 verses in the Bible predict Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. He fulfilled every single one, dotting every “i” and crossing every “t” — but that’s not what this is about.

Eh hem.

A woman who was sitting directly behind me was chewing gum. How in the name of all that is peaceful did I know this? Well, because she was POPPING her cursed gum for about the last 30 minutes of the sermon. I could have ripped that chewy piece of interruption right out of her pretty little freckled jaws and crammed it right into her Aquanet bangs of auburn bigness. GuhRRRRR!!

What did I do? I sat there trying with all my might not to hear it. I focused so intently on my pastor’s lips that I about burned a hole in is face with my gaze. I did not want to miss anything. He basically had me at hello. Before hello even. It was intense.


So has this ever happened to you? It doesn’t have to be a church service either… movie, concert, symphony, etc. Share your story and then tell me what you did about it.

Go on.
I wanna laugh with you.


12 Responses to “For the Love of all that is Peaceful”

  1. Not gum my dear. Not gum. Try preaching and when you look down at the people sitting right on the front row is this good looking chic with a short dress and low cut (can I emphasize low?) top. Talk about gulping on my spit. I am a pastor but I am male. Well…’nuff said. Needless to say I strategically avoided looking her way again. Funny thing is: she may have been oblivious to the ruckus she was causing me.

  2. Try explaining a camping trip to your class of youth and getting the words “pitched a tent” mixed up with “pinched a tit”. Not once but twice. Not me! 🙂 A friend of mine. he finally saved face by saying, “Oh you know what I mean. We put up a tent.” 🙂

  3. Lorna Says:

    this one time at band camp…I mean at church, there was this guy drinking something out a of glass container, and he kept clanking the container against stuff utill finally the container rolled away. I never did look behind me to see what the heck he was drinking. Maybe it was a case of rolling rock beer. But I think I would have smelled that. I have the most sensitive nose and I can smell peoples coffee breath from three rows back. Yuck.

  4. Lorna Says:

    OMG Heidi,
    I just saw the train video on another blog I went to read after yours……How crazy is that?

    I have goose bumps.


  5. candidchatter Says:

    Bill: You are too funny!! Both of your comments cracked me up. I remember this one time at church I stooped down to help my daughter who had just dropped the picture she colored in Sunday school. I had lost a ton of weight and was wearing a cute little sundress. It was a little short, but not too bad as long as I was standing. When I stooped down to help her (legs tight together by the way) she reached around my neck to hug me and accidentally pulled on my dress. Yeah. Well my dress inched up and my bottom with a thong nonetheless was exposed for about a millisecond. I didn’t make a scene. I just pulled it down and stood up as quickly as I could. I told my husband about it and he laughed. But I was in the busy foyer and I’m sure someone saw. If not it was by the grace of God. Embarrassing!!

    Lorna: I will not be watching that video ever again if I can help it. All I could think about was my little Jeremy. It crushed my heart. I don’t want to boo-hoo like that again any time soon. 😉


  6. Heidi…I have a guy that I work with that likes to crunch his ice. You know what I mean? I mean, he gets a mouthful and crunches and crunches it…not just one mouthful, but the entire cup of ice. He does this in meetings…he does this one-on-one…and no matter how many dirty looks people give him or what they say, back to crunching his ice he goes!

    It is almost as bad as the gum!

  7. Phil Hoover Says:

    Loved your post…and love your blog. Feel free to visit mine.

  8. Tony York Says:

    The train movie is called “Most” which means bridge (I forget which language). Our church showed it sometime this past year and it was a moving metaphor.

  9. candidchatter Says:

    Steve: Now when they give me ice chips in the recovery room after having this baby I will be thinking of the faceless man who chomps ice in your face. LOL!

    Phil: Thanks. Come by any time.

    Tony: Very moving indeed! Esp after a crucifixion scene.


  10. Tony York Says:

    You know what’s funny.. I posted about a pet peeve of mine today before I had read your blog. My pet peeve happened in a theater and the story is funny because I didn’t do anything but watch my hero enter the scene.

  11. Ivan Says:

    I was at a theatre once with my mother, watching a play written by a disabled playwright who had severe cerebral palsy. Well, the play was OK, but all the way through it some guy right behind me was making the most horrendous noises. It was a small quiet theatre so I kept quiet and polite but all the way through the play my anger and hatred was boiling up inside me. By the end of the play I was almost insane with fury. I turned round ready to pull this guy’s head off. Of course, it was the playwright himself, in his wheelchair, very pleased with the performance and its reception. I gave him a friendly smile.

  12. candidchatter Says:

    Tony: I saw your post on your blog — great minds think alike. That was one funny story!

    Ivan: All I could say while I read your comment was “Oh No!!”. I sort of figured that it would end as it did. How humbling, huh?


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