Candid Chatter

Just Say It

She Broke Me December 17, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 6:25 am
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Twice now I have written posts about things relating to this downward spiral we call an economy. Twice I have deleted them. Most posts I now write I schedule so I’ll have time to reread them to be certain I want to live with the consequences of posting them. Usually they just end up being edited a couple times. Rarely do I scrap them altogether. However, I thought I lacked compassion and understanding in the economical hard times people are experiencing so in order to keep from sounding like a jack ass I decided not to post those “articles”.

Today brought it full circle and just about brought me to my knees as well. I’m so thankful I did not post them. Sometimes listening to that still, small voice is beyond important. Sometimes it saves me from eating a lot of crow along with swallowing both feet. Whew. Dodged the missile bullet on that one.

There is a woman who was pregnant and hugely enormous whose daughter is in the same preschool class as mine. I noticed about a week or so ago that her enormous belly had disappeared. I had been meaning to congratulate her and ask about the baby. Every time I saw her the stars were not aligned in such a way that I could start up a friendly Mommy conversation. Today I determined I would force the alignment and merge into her path so I could ask how everything was going. Since I hadn’t seen the baby yet I was secretly worried it was in the NICU or something. I am so very dramatic (as if you haven’t figured that out yet).

My drama could never have touched the reality though. Ever.

First let me stand on a fine line of judgmentalism. You’ll understand as you read what I mean by that. I had noticed as she got bigger and bigger she wasn’t wearing maternity clothes. She always had on large t-shirts and sweatpants or stretchy cotton shorts without the drawstring. Remember I am a very observant person by nature so cut me slack because I don’t purposely notice these things. Anyway, her shoes were worn out, her children seemed to always wear the same few outfits week after week, and their shoes were worn out too. I assumed that she didn’t have a lot of money. I didn’t think less of her. My heart went out to her. I’m being sincere.

So as I was approaching Brianna’s classroom I was preparing to say something to her in passing because she was signing her little girl in before me. I waited patiently in the hall holding the door open. There was another mother in there before us and thank you God for that woman. Thank you God you put that woman in that room before me. Here’s why I say that.

That woman asked the no longer pregnant Mom about her baby. I was right behind them in line so I heard the whole conversation. I’ll admit my ears perked up because I was going to do that exact thing if it hadn’t already been unfolding before my very ears. The no longer pregnant Mom said “the baby I was carrying wasn’t mine”. The woman said cheerfully “oh you were a surrogate Mom, that’s wonderful”. The no longer pregnant Mom said “yeah, something like that I guess. Actually he was my 6th baby, and we, well…” She tapered off and the woman who asked her immediately turned five shades of pale and I think her heart may have stopped beating for half a minute. She didn’t know what to say. I was inwardly thanking God that He kept me from being the “one to ask”. I pretended I hadn’t heard a thing and started messing with Brianna’s hair to look busy and distracted.

Hard times. Economic struggles.

How about having to give up your child because you cannot afford another one?


I held the tears till I got to the van. Then I sprung a leak. Ok, I sprung a waterfall. That unselfish full of love Mom did the most unbearable thing in the universe. She loved that baby so much she gave him life and then gave him a better life. The only time she had with that little baby boy was the 9 months he spent in her womb and the few minutes (hours?) they may have given her with him after delivery.

That little baby boy has just been the best Christmas gift his new Mom could ever have dreamed of. That little baby boy has just been the biggest sacrifice his other Mom has ever had to make.

And he has no idea that he has 5 older siblings. I wonder if he’ll ever know. I wonder if his adoptive family has more children. I wonder if they live in Florida. I wonder so many things.

So much love in that little one’s life. So much sacrifice. So much.

Happy birthday baby boy. Your little life has touched me and changed me and given me compassion for the people who have real struggles and real pain and real sacrifices. Because of you my eyes have been opened to the smack dab reality our society faces these days.

Happy birthday sweetheart and I am praying for you. I hope your new family will teach you the love of Christ and that your birth Mom will get to see you once again in heaven. God bless you and your precious life.

Thank you God for showing me how selfish and inconsiderate I was being and for saving me from utter embarrassment. You are so gentle and loving and protective. Amen.


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Photo by Anne Geddes


11 Responses to “She Broke Me”

  1. A friend of mine just emailed me one of your articles from a while back. I read that one a few more. Really enjoy your blog. Thanks

  2. Thanks for the post Heidi. I think sometimes we do forget how hurting some people are. I cannot stand in judgment of that lady because I am not in her “shoes” (that didn’t seem to be very good anyway). I have a whole lot more sympathy for this mom who gave her child a “better life” than one who decided “I don’t want this thing” and end it before it started. I appreciate your tears for the mom. I too am glad that little baby will have a Christmas and hopefully many more filled with love. And yeah, it is amazing how God saves us sometimes.

  3. Your intuition is a gift from Him, and your heart is a gift to us. Wow, H. Wow.


  4. Joe Blackmon Says:

    You know that part of your brain that is supposed to filter out stuff that your really shouldn’t say? Well, mine doesn’t work. Actually, my wife tells me it’s that I choose to ignore it—and she is right, of course. Anyway, even with my diarrhea of the mouth, my Lord has on so many times stopped me from making a total goober of myself. I praise Him for that.

  5. candidchatter Says:

    Stacey: Thank you for stopping in and commenting. Hang around. It gets crazy here sometimes. 🙂

    Bill: Thanks. I have compassion for both because I know the one who had an abortion suffers with horrible guilt over her decision. The one who gave the child life will grieve, yes, but she knows she did the right thing. It’s so hard on them both. We can’t possibly understand their struggles. At least I can’t.

    Roxx: Thanks girl. Your comments always uplift me.

    Joe: I am missing that filter most of the time too. Ask my family. Mmm Hmm.


  6. Will_nottheactor_Smith Says:

    Thanks, Heidi. I actually had to re-read that several times to understand the baby was given up, but my mom and her 3 brothers were given up to foster homes when her mom could no longer care for them due to finances. Her dad walked out on them back in the 40’s, never to be heard from again.

    Eventually, I firmly believe they will know they have siblings, whether in this life or after we leave these earthly shells. We just need to pray that all these kiddos will find Truth and make that decision, so they can be re-united in the sky!

  7. Debateur Says:

    Wow Heidi that truly does put it all into perspective. I know I’ve been pouting a bit that our Christmas may not be as extravagant as I’d like but honestly I’m just a spoiled brat and should learn to be truly greatful for what I have.

  8. Cynthia Says:

    That’s so sad, yet beautiful too. Thanks for sharing that story. We’ll be in prayer for the child and both families.

  9. Heidi: I reckon I need to go further with mine. I too have a sad heart when I hear about someone who had an abortion because they thought there was no where else to go. (Where is the church in this?) The guilt still flies within them. Even those who do it out of belligerence or an inconvenient pregnancy still carry that guilt. They need to know forgiveness and acceptance from the church. My apologies if it sounded like I was uncaring.

  10. Jason Says:

    I’m weeping….

  11. candidchatter Says:

    Bill: I figured I read you wrong b/c I know you to be a really compassionate person. Thanks for clearing that up.

    Will: Your family’s story breaks my heart too.


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