Candid Chatter

Just Say It

You’ve Got Male December 30, 2008

So according to me I am 38+ weeks pregnant. According to my flawed doctors and their reliance on ultrasound at 7 weeks gestation (yes, that’s sarcasm) I am 37+ weeks gestation. Doesn’t really matter though — both get me to full-term (a full-term singleton pregnancy is one that reaches 37 weeks — that’s when baby lungs are fully developed).

Ok. So what. Right?

Well I am here to tell you that I have made it this far — inches from giving birth — and the gender “secret” has been utterly ruined. People just aren’t used to keeping gender a secret in our current times. Now, I thought my Mother-in-law had spoiled it awhile ago when we thought there may be a cyst on the baby’s brain. She was (besides my medical crew) the only one who knew the gender b/c she went with me to the ultrasound and I told the sonographer that it was ok to tell her. But I was certain she’d keep her lips shut. So certain that I allowed her to come. Well when I got the news she did the whole “he, him, his” thing as she was trying to console me. Unbelievable.

Then came the series of ultrasounds (nine) and echocardiograms (three) on the little wee one. I still didn’t know the gender. I refused to look at the screen during examination near the nether regions.

The perinatologist, an unemotional guy I’m sure due to the nature of his job, slipped once and called the baby “he”. He didn’t react, but ever so slickly went back to calling the baby “the baby”. Hmm.

Out of about 100 people, I kid you not, all but 3 have said “it’s a boy” and a few were complete strangers (remember Home Depot guy?).

Well I had a regular OB check and non-stress test Monday. The midwife decided to examine me in the NST (non-stress test) room. During a NST my baby and my uterus are monitored. I can hear the baby’s heartbeat the whole time. It’s my job to click this button thingy whenever I feel it move. The goal is for the baby’s heart rate to go up during movement. If it goes down, there is trouble. All three of my full-term babies have repeatedly passed this test. Thank God!

Ok so the midwife is coming into the room saying all loud and proud “that little boy is so active, I can hear his heartbeat all the way down the hallway, he’s a happy little guy in there”. For crying in your Cheerios!!! Are you serious? I have gone an entire pregnancy without knowing for sure if it’s a boy or not until exactly 2 weeks from my c-section. Aaaaahhhhhh [me screaming]!!!!! You have GOT to be kidding me!! Someone who shall remain nameless (Dorothy the midwife) apparantly did not read the part of my chart which said “gender unknown to Mom by choice”.

So the slips were slips and could very well have meant nothing because a lot of people say “he”. However, “little boy, little guy” is waaaay more than a slip.

I know it’s rare to not know gender these days. I am well aware of that. But it was so cool hearing Rich call out Jeremy’s gender in the operating room. I just wanted that experience one more time. This is it for us. Once our newest baby boy is born I will have no more pregnancies. Tubes tied. Snipped. Burned. Kaput!

Am I mad? No. I had a feeling it’s a boy too. Lots of similarities with the end of my pregnancy with little Jay-Jay. But I didn’t know for sure.

Am I disappointed? Greatly. I feel like my moment of hearing that excitement in Rich’s voice as he gets to tell me we just had a little baby boy has been robbed.

I won’t dwell. I won’t. What can we do? Nothing.

But [sigh] I just think that sucks a little. Ya know?

Google Images
“newborn boy”


10 Responses to “You’ve Got Male”

  1. mommato3blessings Says:

    Sorry it was ruined for you. What a bummer! I feel so bad for you. I am one of those impatient people that can not STAND surprises. That said, we didn’t know the gender of our first born, and I loved hearing Eric yell “it’s a boy!”. So I know the dissappointment for you is great. HUGS! On the up side, you will be holding that little guy before you know it!!! I am DYING to hear his name!!!

  2. Will_nottheactor Says:

    Sorry, Heidi. That is a shame when technology has spoiled the surprise because of paint and wallpaper. Bear with me. Because people want to decorate the nurseries in advance and have the right kind of clothes from day 1, and now that technology can reveal the gender with virtually 100% accuracy, the norm is to know. Never mind what your wish may be, you’re too much of a minority for them to even consider the fact you may not want to know.

    You had to have gotten looks when people ask you if it was a boy or girl and you said you didn’t know. After all, it’s common knowledge now that they can tell early on with thier 4-D imagery of the baby, and so they can’t help but wonder why you’re so strange and don’t want to know.

    Shoot, we got those looks 13.5yrs ago when we were expecting our daughter, but then there was enough margin of error that our decision not to know was still “sweet.” Now you get looks like “you’ve got 6 heads” when you say you don’t want to know.

    During the delivery of my daughter, and I could just see the top of her head crowning, my wife asked in between breaths “What is it?” I paused, and said, “Hairy.” It was after all, just the very top of her head. 😉

    My wife hates that story.

  3. Even if it was possible to know (33 & 29 years ago) like it is today, my bride and I would not have wanted to know. However, I am still bummed that I could not call out “boy!” Not only was I not in the delivery room ( a rarity in those days) I had two girls. LOL!

  4. candidchatter Says:

    Mel: Funny story. My MIL told me yesterday she doesn’t like the name we’ve chosen for a boy. People just don’t hold back their opinions sometimes. I told her that Rich loves it and since we have a really hard time agreeing we are sticking with it.

    Will: Most people have been really supportive. Only a couple have been negative. The older crowd commends us for hanging in there because “so many things in life are no longer a surprise and it’s great we have chosen to keep this one until the end”. The younger crowd (esp women) are like Mel in saying “there is no way I could have waited — I’m far to impatient”. I stick by my opinion that it is entirely more fun not knowing the gender until the birth. Oh and I love the “hairy” birth story. That’s hysterical!!

    Bill: You weren’t in the delivery room? Why? You have two girls, yes, but one has already given you a grandson. 🙂


  5. mommato3blessings Says:

    Let me just say I WISH I had that kind of patience! We didn’t know with Jake, as I said before. It was pure torture for me~ I really wanted to know who the child I was carrying was!!!! It didn’t have much to do with decor or the layette~ I just wanted to give the baby a name and know who it was. I’m goofy like that. I knew with both my girls~ and I loved knowing! But for the record, I think it’s awesome when people choose not to find out ~ I just can’t stand the wait for myself! 😉

  6. Lana Barros Says:

    You still don’t know for sure.

    And Rich can still say the phrase… “it’s a boy…”
    or “it’s a girl…”

  7. candidchatter Says:

    Lana: On one hand you’re right — he can still call it, but it won’t be a surprise… unless it’s a girl. Then they might have to resuscitate me. LOL! My mother-in-law is making such a big deal over the boy name we’ve chosen. I guess I thought she was brighter than that. Why make a big deal over a boy name and not a girl name? It’s a boy, that’s why. See? It’s got to be. Anyway, it’s not up to her and if she wasn’t my main babysitter I’d tell her where to get off. 😉 How are you feeling?


  8. Heidi: let me just say that back then…way back then…very few men were ever allowed in the delivery room. Jo’s doctor didn’t believe in it especially for a C-section. And yes, I am a proud grandfather. I will have to tell you some day what I did when he was born. 🙂

  9. Lorna Says:

    Wow, you almost made it all the way without knowing the sex. That is amazing in this day and age of technology! I remember what it’s like not knowing because I did not have one single sonogram with my first baby…..over 23 years ago. Ugh, I suddenly feel old. It brings back fond memories of my pregnancy though. Everyone kept saying it was a boy because of the way I was carrying him so high and the heart rate. It’s a good thing he was a boy because I don’t know what I would have named a girl. I never had a girl name picked out….not even at the last minute. I think I simply knew he was a boy and the lack of name for a baby girl never bothered me.

    Congratulations Mama and here’s wishing you a Happy Labor Day whenever that may be. 😀

  10. Lana Barros Says:

    okay, first… yes, we want to have a playdate tomorrow.
    second, the name is great. maybe she is trying to trick you.

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