Candid Chatter

Just Say It

My Brother May 4, 2009

Filed under: All In the Family — candidchatter @ 1:42 pm
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I have debated for a long time whether or not to open this can of worms. Some of what I’ve written over the past year and a half has burned up a few family members of mine. My brother, whose birthday was this past weekend, won’t talk to me. At all. There was an incident on here that ended up getting very ugly and it was mostly my fault and my stinkin’ pregnancy hormones and my disgust over certain things which have transpired over the years. Since then… nada. Not a single word.


The reason I am bringing this up is because it’s actually pretty common, I’m finding. The more I talk to people about their families beyond their husbands and children, the more I am finding that there is a lot of adult family rivalry. More than I had imagined. Here I thought me and my brother were such horrible people having this silly fight. Nah. It happens. In.All.Families. To some extent anyway. It could be a cousin, a parent, a sibling, a child even. Families fight. It’s normal.

But I refuse to accept that he won’t talk to me. I act like he’s still a part of my life. I still send his daughters gifts on special occasions. I know of one instance when he refused to allow them to open what came from me, but I was clever and addressed them from MY kids so eventually, for whatever reason, his heart softened a bit and he allowed his girls to have their gifts afterall and, wouldn’t you know it, they loved what they got. Of course they did. I am a good gift giver. Err… I mean, my kids are good gift givers. [wink]

I e-mailed him a happy birthday and teased him about his proximity to turning 40. That’s not really too bad of a joke, though, because I will be 40 before he will. He probably didn’t laugh. I did though.

My mom used to tell me to “kill them with kindness”. I never understood what she meant until I had a fight with my uncle. I’ve actually had several fights with him over the years. This one was so stupid, but I understood why he was mad so I decided to kill him with kindness. It worked.

Will this work with my brother? Probably not while I’m 1000 miles away. But I’ll bet up close and personal would be a whole lot different. He can’t stay mad at me. He’s never been able to. He’s being the big tough guy right now. But I know a secret about my brother. I’ll tell you what it is too.


Nope. A big softie. GIANT softie.
And his feelings get hurt easily.
And I hurt his feelings.
And so he’s mad.
But it won’t last.
Bet he’s ready to forgive me and hug me tight already.
Ok. Maybe not. But I will hug him till he poops next time I see him.
I will.
Cuz I love him.
Cuz I love him and I miss him.


3 Responses to “My Brother”

  1. I am fortunate Heidi to have a good relationship with my 3 brothers although we all live in different states…PA (where we grew up), KY (he is a pastor & I see him the most), and CA (SanDiego where the weather is supposed to be perfect) also a pastor and going to school. Mom used to get upset because we didn’t pal around and have reunions and get all gushy but before she died I told her that we loved each other and would do anything we could for each other if it is within our power. I am glad to see that your mom taught you well. I just wish I could be there to see what it is like to have poop squeezed out of someone. 🙂

  2. Lorna Says:

    I’ll be praying that you and your brother mend your relationship soon, Heidi. The longer you go, the more difficult it will be to repair. Yep, Sisters always seem to be the ones to offer the olive branch. I pray your brother will accept it.


  3. Ivan Says:

    Dear Heidi

    My Guru sez: “Hatred which is completely vanquished by love passes into love: and love is thereupon greater than if hatred had not preceded it.” (ethics, part iii, prop.: xliii), and he proves it here.

    You probably don’t need the geometric proof.

    My family has all sorts going on, for generations: ancient sepia photos with bits torn off, disowned sons, you name it. My mother and sister seem to hate my wife. It’s normal.


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