I cannot help myself. I literally had to stop looking at pictures of them. I can’t even look at pictures of Angelina Jolie-Pitt’s gang. I don’t go to blogs about adoption anymore. I don’t watch Adoption Stories on TV. It makes me too sad.
Rich still does not want to adopt. I don’t bring it up anymore anyway. In his mind, we were done before we had Jaxon. I begged for that baby boy and he submitted to me. And, thank God for that!
Adoption is different. It costs a lot of money. I don’t care what people who have adopted say. It costs a lot of money. I mean thousands of dollars. Then there is the stressful paperwork, interviews, and waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Then the travel; even if it’s domestic there very well could be travel.
My heart still beats for another child. An older one. No more babies. I am done with that. But, when my youngest is older… a sister would be nice. Maybe a 3 year old. Four, five, six?
What is God’s plan in all of this? Why do I still long, yearn, deeply desire while Rich has no interest?
What does that mean?
I’ll wait and see. It’s all I can do.
In the meantime…
I will pray.
She is so beautiful.