Candid Chatter

Just Say It

My Heart Still Beats for One August 5, 2009

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 1:17 pm

An orphan.

I cannot help myself. I literally had to stop looking at pictures of them. I can’t even look at pictures of Angelina Jolie-Pitt’s gang. I don’t go to blogs about adoption anymore. I don’t watch Adoption Stories on TV. It makes me too sad.

Rich still does not want to adopt. I don’t bring it up anymore anyway. In his mind, we were done before we had Jaxon. I begged for that baby boy and he submitted to me. And, thank God for that!

Adoption is different. It costs a lot of money. I don’t care what people who have adopted say. It costs a lot of money. I mean thousands of dollars. Then there is the stressful paperwork, interviews, and waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Then the travel; even if it’s domestic there very well could be travel.


My heart still beats for another child. An older one. No more babies. I am done with that. But, when my youngest is older… a sister would be nice. Maybe a 3 year old. Four, five, six?

What is God’s plan in all of this? Why do I still long, yearn, deeply desire while Rich has no interest?
What does that mean?
I’ll wait and see. It’s all I can do.
In the meantime…
I will pray.

orphangirlinflowerdressShe is so beautiful.


3 Responses to “My Heart Still Beats for One”

  1. She is an absolutely beautiful child. Jo & I have talked about adoption but we are really past that age these days. If only… You are right in not bringing it up. If God is in it He will change Rich’s mind, as he did with Jack.

  2. Dang it, I’m all teary now.. (it’s only the fourth time in the last 24 hours).

    Yet ANOTHER thing we have in common. I’ve had a heart for adoption for as long as I can remember.. well, I guess it really started after Sean.. We’ve always had minor fertility issues and I”ve always had adoption in the back of my mind. Of course, Leland was done before Seth too!

    We have talked about (I talked, he listened and promised to pray about it) adoption (we’d likely foster to adopt) after Kayleigh’s in school.. a 3 or 4 year old. We’ll see..

    I just keep reminding myself that God is bigger than my husband!! If it’s in HIs will for us, it’ll happen…

  3. Tabetha Says:

    If ever the Lord chooses to change your husbands heart adoption through foster care is the cheapest way to go. Though it may not be the most stress free. I now have a beautiful niece and nephew that were (after a lengthy process) officially adopted. They are amazing and precious.

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