The Lord has done some changing in my heart towards my family. I guess I needed to lose a sibling in the midst of a silly argument in order to better appreciate the remaining five. Believe it or not, it has almost been a solid year since that incident, and my brother still refuses to forgive me. Until today, that tore my heart strings. I was especially bitter at him for ignoring my children and for cutting us off from his.
I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters. I am the oldest of seven. Our parents, thankfully, have been married for over 37 years. We were all raised, for the most part, in the same house. We all went to the same schools. We all knew the same people.
Over the years we have had our fun and our fights. More fun than fights, thank goodness. And, one of my sisters has made my blood boil on more occasions than I’d like to admit. In fact, I was so hurt by something she said in the not so distant past that I actually toyed with the idea of not going to our other sister’s wedding in order to avoid her. Thankfully, with the aid of my ever-forgiving, well-grounded, faithful, and understanding husband, I reluctantly came to my senses. I am so glad I did.
Over the course of the past several weeks, I have been in contact with my sister more than usual. We have had a couple of heart-to-heart conversations. I have listened to her. Did you catch that? Yes, I said “listened”. I squashed my ego and pride and listened to someone whom I have always just heard. You know the difference between hearing and listening, I’m sure.
So all this time I have held these grudges, not particularly realizing that’s what I was doing, when instead I could have enjoyed a fulfilling relationship with her.
She set me free today — and last week. Or, maybe it was 2 weeks ago. Some things she said that she was completely on the mark about set me free from internal struggles that seemed insurmountable. My tension is gone. My stress is reduced. My feelings are no longer being hurt. And, so on.
I was burdened by garbage that seems so trivial now. You know what they say about hindsight.
The hardest part is this, though… I was doing this to myself. I am very aware now that these emotions were consuming me because of me. I was under the control of my anger and I was allowing that to happen.
Thank you, H. I love you. I’m grateful for you. I am looking forward to this. All of it.
And, to the rest of you… be careful about WHY you get hurt or angry. It might have nothing to do with the person you think it does. It might have EVERYthing to do with y.o.u.