Candid Chatter

Just Say It

My Brother May 4, 2009

Filed under: All In the Family — candidchatter @ 1:42 pm
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I have debated for a long time whether or not to open this can of worms. Some of what I’ve written over the past year and a half has burned up a few family members of mine. My brother, whose birthday was this past weekend, won’t talk to me. At all. There was an incident on here that ended up getting very ugly and it was mostly my fault and my stinkin’ pregnancy hormones and my disgust over certain things which have transpired over the years. Since then… nada. Not a single word.


The reason I am bringing this up is because it’s actually pretty common, I’m finding. The more I talk to people about their families beyond their husbands and children, the more I am finding that there is a lot of adult family rivalry. More than I had imagined. Here I thought me and my brother were such horrible people having this silly fight. Nah. It happens. In.All.Families. To some extent anyway. It could be a cousin, a parent, a sibling, a child even. Families fight. It’s normal.

But I refuse to accept that he won’t talk to me. I act like he’s still a part of my life. I still send his daughters gifts on special occasions. I know of one instance when he refused to allow them to open what came from me, but I was clever and addressed them from MY kids so eventually, for whatever reason, his heart softened a bit and he allowed his girls to have their gifts afterall and, wouldn’t you know it, they loved what they got. Of course they did. I am a good gift giver. Err… I mean, my kids are good gift givers. [wink]

I e-mailed him a happy birthday and teased him about his proximity to turning 40. That’s not really too bad of a joke, though, because I will be 40 before he will. He probably didn’t laugh. I did though.

My mom used to tell me to “kill them with kindness”. I never understood what she meant until I had a fight with my uncle. I’ve actually had several fights with him over the years. This one was so stupid, but I understood why he was mad so I decided to kill him with kindness. It worked.

Will this work with my brother? Probably not while I’m 1000 miles away. But I’ll bet up close and personal would be a whole lot different. He can’t stay mad at me. He’s never been able to. He’s being the big tough guy right now. But I know a secret about my brother. I’ll tell you what it is too.


Nope. A big softie. GIANT softie.
And his feelings get hurt easily.
And I hurt his feelings.
And so he’s mad.
But it won’t last.
Bet he’s ready to forgive me and hug me tight already.
Ok. Maybe not. But I will hug him till he poops next time I see him.
I will.
Cuz I love him.
Cuz I love him and I miss him.


My Precious Little Life January 8, 2009

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 6:12 am
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Will you look like him?
Will you look like me?
Will you look like them?
Blue eyes? Brown? Green?
Blond hair? Brown? Red?
Chubby cheeks?

Mommy loves you.
Daddy loves you.
Brianna & Jeremy love you too.
You have a huge family.
Just wait till they all see you.
Soon, my lovely one. Soon.

*all photos courtesy of
Google Images*


Many Years Later December 5, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 1:48 pm
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A certain person I know has, for years, said negative and demeaning things about people who have large families. Things like “they’re crazy”, “they must be nuts”, “how can they give their kids enough attention”, “it’s ridiculous (or irresponsible) to have that many kids”. And so on.

Believe it or not, I have kept my mouth shut — taking it with a grain of salt each time.
That is, until today.

I have had it up to my hairline and beyond with these kinds of remarks. It doesn’t help that this person and I had a heated discussion yesterday regarding the dumbest advice I think I’ve ever been given by a person who has no right even breathing a word on the subject considering this person’s lack of responsible behavior in a certain area. That is vague on purpose.

My parents raised 7 children. My paternal grandparents raised 13 while my maternal grandparents raised 8. To say I come from a big family is the understatement of the year. I believe I have somewhere around 75 first cousins with both families combined. I have no idea how many of those cousins have produced children of their own. I’m sure the numbers now are well over 100 with first and second cousins combined. And we’re still having children. Some of my first cousins are still under the age of 10. I think a couple may even be under age 5. Huge family! Absolutely humongous!

In my family segment, my precious parents (who have been married for over 36 years) have their ninth grandchild on the way (our wee one). One of my sisters is trying to get pregnant with her 2nd. One of my sisters has three girls. My brother has 2 girls. My youngest sister just got married last weekend. Two of my siblings are in serious relationships, but not married yet. That leaves a whole bunch of room for more nieces and nephews for me and many more grandchildren for my parents of awesomeness. I think Christmas, one day, will be unbelievably expensive for all of us. Yikes!!

So for anyone to condemn large families to me is like calling my entire family a bunch of idiots.

Not a good idea.
It’s an even worse idea while I’m all chock full of hormones and 8 months pregnant.
Yeah. Dumb move.

So I did what any upstanding young woman with her third child on the way would do. I shot the person dead and now I’m going to jail.

Nah. In my mind I wanted to rip out hair and poke out eyeballs though.

First of all, both of my lovely heathens were fighting and yelling in the seat right behind me. The person on the phone heard the commotion and said “what would you do if you had 10 of them”. I said “I’d throw every last one out the window”. We chuckled. Then the person said “well what do you think about people who do have 10 kids then — they are nuts, aren’t they”? I stopped the chuckle right then. “You know what” I said. “You’ve been saying derogatory things about people who have a lot of kids for many years now and I’ve put up with it. I’ve been patient. I’ve been kind. But you must understand that when you say things like that you are putting down my entire family and that hurts my feelings. I don’t like it even a little bit and it doesn’t amuse me.” The person sounded taken aback and said “what well I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I just mean that I couldn’t handle it”. I received and accepted an apology and then quickly got off the phone.

Right after that the girls at Subway started in on me having a girl and a boy already and what made me decide to have another child since I have one of each. I must be crazy they say and all three laugh it up. I played along. Deep inside I was painfully aware of the way I am viewed by society. I have too many kids. I am crazy to want more. How do I do what I do? Why? How? Ha ha ha this is so funny and entertaining.


It’s not funny. It’s not entertaining.
It’s disgusting.

I am proud of my family. I am proud of my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins who have decided to grow their families despite what anyone else thinks or says. I had a wonderful childhood. I would change nothing about it. I love my family deeply.

I’m sick of being the butt of jokes. I am sick of being the circus who just arrived because it’s oh such a novelty to ask Heidi to tell the whole room full of people how many cousins/aunts/uncles or whatnot she has. I can hear the circus music play as the laughter fills the room along with the wide-eyed expressions on the faces of unbelieving or astonished people.

My family is not a circus.
My family is not crazy.
My family is awesome.

If it were up to me, I’d have more children. Not the natural way, however. But if Rich would open his heart to it I’d certainly adopt — at least one, maybe more.

I love kids.
I grew up surrounded by love.
My family may not have lots of money, but they sure do have lots of love.
An overabundance of it, in fact.

And. It. Makes. Me. Proud.