Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Search Items September 20, 2008

To be of utmost assistance to those of you confused by daily life or motherhood or pregnancy or whatever, I have decided to do another post on items searched that landed folks right here.

  1. “trying to conceive has made me bitter” — I so understand. It starts out fun. Then you get your period. Oh well, nobody gets pregnant the first try; you rationalize. You read up on methods that are ‘sure to work’. You try again. Then you get your period. You buy a book or two and maybe some ovulation kits. You try again. Your husband has never had this much sex in his life and he’s thinking he just hit the freakin’ jackpot. You, on the other hand, are starting to become concerned that something is wrong with your female functions. My best advice is this — every other day have sex starting on day 7 in your cycle (day 1 is the day you start your period). If you are not pregnant within 3 months of trying this method, talk to your doctor. Every other day — not every day — not on certain days — you wanna catch that egg then you need to do what I just said — even when you’re bitter. Good luck!!
  2. “no soap lotion before ultrasound” — One question: why the heck not? They use gel anyway. Your belly gets all gunked up and slimy. Huh?
  3. “negative pregnancy test” — either you tested too early (wait a week) or you are not pregnant. False negatives are common. False positives are not common. Good luck!
  4. “symptoms of a miscarriage” — gee whiz… I hate this one. My symptoms were spotting and loss of pregnancy symptoms. I had no cramps, but those are normal too. I also didn’t have heavy bleeding or clots, but these are normal too. I’m sorry.
  5. “I believe divorce is” — Necessary for some; ridiculously selfish for others.
  6. “do down syndrome babies move in ultrasound” — yes, they sure do! If your baby wasn’t moving in ultrasound, he or she was probably asleep. The IMPORTANT thing is that everything is functioning while the baby is still (heart is beating, blood is flowing in and out of placenta/umbilical cord, etc.). Next time drink orange juice about 15 minutes before your appointment. Works every single time. I’ve had probably 100 ultrasounds — trust me, OJ works!!
  7. “Jesus tell me the truth” — Try the New Testament. He does a lot of that in there. Happy seeking!
  8. “I’ve been eating a lot of junk…” — Me too!!! I just had some Almond Coffee Cake and a large glass of milk. I am getting fat this pregnancy and I almost don’t care really. Ha!!
  9. “ok to conceive while husband is sick” — well, that all depends on what is causing him to be sick. If it is Hepatitis, I’d say NO. If it’s the common cold, then hop on him girlfriend!!
  10. “sausage pizza while pregnant ok” — LOL!! You can’t be serious. If that wasn’t OK then my kids would all have something wrong with them. ROFL!!
  11. “pregnancy test getting lighter” — sweetheart, they are no good after a few hours. The lines will fade. I have saved all of my positive pregnancy tests. They all still have lines, but they are all very faint now. Throw it away. Just throw it away. It’s probably gross that I saved all of mine. Yeah, that’s probably really gross on some level. Oh well.
  12. “spot head ultrasound down syndrome” — not necessarily!! Go see a genetic specialist or perinatologist. Seriously, get a referral from your OB or midwife right now and go see a more specialized doctor for a better ultrasound. Trust me!!
  13. “candid nurse” — Someday!! Right now I’m just Candid Chatter.
  14. “recommended breakfast first trimester” — whatever the hell you can keep down!! Good luck with that.
  15. “why is my stomach so big in the first trimester” — because you are short. Me too. I understand and I feel you on this one. Just understand all those hot little tarts who don’t show until they are like 8 months along will get worse stretch marks than you! Well, at least that’s what I like to believe.

Shouldn’t I Be Worried August 26, 2008

Tomorrow is a big day. We have Brianna’s orientation for preschool. But, bigger news, we also have the level 2 ultrasound with a genetic specialist.

So shouldn’t I be worried?

I guess maybe I should be. Many people would be. But I’m not. As I tossed and turned following my nightmare the other night, I felt this calm come over me. This is separate from the peace I already had. I don’t know how to explain it, really. Peace and calm seem to bring a picture of the same thing. But even though I was at peace before the calm I still thought about the possibility of bad news a lot. I had to chase those thoughts away. After the calm, I no longer have to chase any thoughts away because I don’t fear tomorrow’s results.

I do not fear.

A God thing for sure.

So today I am trying to catch up around the house. Chores. We’re all in good moods. Nobody funky or foul. It’s pleasantville.

Have a great day!


Peace Felt Like My Own Skin August 23, 2008

Yesterday three things dove into my soul. Two messages in my heart.
“Do not fear”
“Trust Me”
Then I saw, for the second time in less than a week, a double rainbow. This time the rainbows were right outside my front door. I should have taken a picture. Beautiful and breathtaking and brilliant.

For those of you of less than a spiritual nature please do not judge. You just aren’t to the point in your life yet where these sorts of things make sense to you. Once you get there you’ll understand completely. It will come alive and you’ll get it and then you’ll see.

I can tell people have been praying for me and our baby. How? Because of the peace I hold in my heart. It’s almost tangible. It feels like a coat over my skin. Comforting, relaxing, sweet, tender, merciful.

I’ve been given a lot of advice from well-meaning individuals. Some who have a love interest in us. They tell me not to accept that something could be wrong with our child. They are praying prayers of positive words. Calling forth things as if they already are — health, intelligence, and so on. I appreciate those prayers. But when I pray, I cannot lie. I can’t tell God “thank you for this healthy, normal, intelligent baby” when in my heart I don’t hold that view. I pray “thank you Lord for whatever child you have blessed us with — thank you that you trust me enough to care for any of your children, whether normal or not — and please give me the strength and wisdom to endure any hardships”.

I know there are many, many Christian families who have been blessed with many, many different types of children. Some of them have become doctors. Some of them have become teachers. Some of them have become missionaries. Some of them have become competitors in the Special Olympics. Some of them can’t talk or move or feed themselves. Some of them have died before their 5th birthdays. All of their parents have prayed their hearts out for them. All.

So I can’t force myself to believe that God would spare me the pain of having a child who has a disability. I hope that He does. Not for me — my hope is for the child yet unborn. But I don’t believe for even an inch that God can be manipulated because I speak “positive words”.

I have read about 3/4 of the Bible so far this year and I haven’t seen one Scripture verse that teaches that you can call forth things with your words. Any time someone prophesied something that came to be it was because the Holy Spirit told them to. It was God’s idea first. Then He revealed it to the prophets. Then the prophets revealed it to the people. Then the events happened. It wasn’t in any other order. There were times that the prophets pleaded on behalf of the people. Interceded in prayer. There were times that God answered those prayers of intercession. But they didn’t say to God “this isn’t going to happen because I won’t accept it”. No. They were humble and respectful and most of the time in mourning for the nation of Israel. God does change His mind. God does heal the broken. But God cannot be told what to do. His plans are perfect and holy. Who are we to think we can “positive words” Him into acting in our flawed interests?

Having said all of that, I will not tell you how to pray. No. Never. You should pray how you are led to pray. You have your own relationship with God. I have mine. But be honest in your prayers. God sees your heart anyway. No sense in lying or pretending you believe something that He clearly knows you don’t. If you honestly don’t accept that our baby could have a disability, that’s fine. Pray like that if your heart is pure in that thought/belief.

Update: I had a regular OB appointment yesterday. They drew blood for the quad screen and did the glucose test. I’ll have results hopefully by Tuesday on all tests. I spoke in more detail with the midwife who saw me. She said everything else on the ultrasound looked normal — organs, bones, size, spine, development, shape of brain and skull. She also said in 14 years of being a midwife she has seen an uprise in finding cysts on the brain in babies in the last 5 years. She said she believes it is due to better sonographic equipment. She said there may be a time in obstetrics when a cyst (like what our baby has) is found that they will just call it a normal part of the baby’s development between such and such weeks instead of sending moms to a specialist. But, for now, all moms go to see specialists when this cyst is found. She said the vast majority of the time the cyst is gone by the time the mom sees the specialist. If it is still there, it eventually goes away and the specialist finds nothing else wrong with the baby. What he will look for on Wednesday at the ultrasound are the remaining six markers that indicate Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome).

I am at peace whatever may be. My husband is too. Of course, our hope is that our baby is just as fine and dandy as our other two children. But if he or she is not woven together as they are, we will survive. Actually, I believe we’ll more than survive. I believe we’ll be blessed beyond belief and that we’ll be a blessing to others who may experience the same things we have.

Plus, we’re all a little disabled. I can’t fly a plane. Why? Because I have bad eyesight. I also can’t sing very well. I am short and I can’t reach the top cabinets in my kitchen. I am not good at math. I can’t draw.

Thank you for the prayers, thoughts, support, and encouragement. Sincerely.


Days Like This August 20, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 9:34 pm
Tags: , ,

This morning, as I got ready and rushed out the door to my ultrasound appointment, I have to admit I had worries about what we would find. I haven’t been comfortable with this pregnancy from the get-go. As soon as I saw the baby on the screen, my worries melted. It was moving all around: waving its hands, kicking its feet, scratching its head, and all sorts of cute things. I felt that connection that we moms feel with our yet unborn babies. Everything clicked. It was exciting.

I got home and dove into cleaning up the breakfast mess pigsty I had left behind. My sweet husband headed down south for a meeting regarding a possible career move.

He called me around 4:30 to tell me all the good news about how the meeting went. They were going to make him an offer and alluded to it being “one he couldn’t refuse”. Towards the end of that conversation my doctor called. I told Rich I’d call him back.

The ultrasound went great she said. However, there is something mildly concerning to her. On the baby’s brain there is a spot. This spot could mean nothing and could resolve all by itself in the coming weeks. In the vast majority of cases where a spot like this is found and the baby seems to be otherwise completely normal, that’s what happens… spot goes away, healthy baby is born. In very rare cases, the spot is a marker on an ultrasound alerting doctors that there could be an abnormality; most commonly Down syndrome also known as Trisomy 21. She told me she was going to order a more detailed ultrasound and to wait for the call from them to make the appointment. Her parting words were, “I don’t want you to worry. This is just a precaution and most of the time this turns out to be nothing.” I tried to remain positive and said, “I would rather you err on the side of caution, Doctor.”

And I would.

I called Rich back, let him finish telling me the good news from down south, and then I told him what my doctor had said. He didn’t really react. My husband doesn’t worry much. He accepts things and moves on. He’s rock solid in situations that tear me to pieces. Solid.

For about 3 hours after the call, I was a mess. I tried not to cry, but the harder I tried the more painful the lump in my throat. The tears started to roll down my cheeks. I found that I wasn’t crying for me. It wasn’t a pity party oh poor me my child may not be normal. No. It was for the baby who, if not normal, will have such big challenges his or her whole life. People will stare. Some will make fun of him or her. Some will feel awkward and not know how to interract. It was tearing me up inside to think of my poor sweet child having to come against a world full of jerks who think it’s funny to make fun of people who aren’t “like them”.

Three people came to my rescue. Lana, my mom, and my mother-in-law. All three of them lifted me up and helped me by saying things that are true. They wouldn’t allow me to accept that my child is abnormal. The truth is, chances really are in my favor that the baby is fine. Ultrasounds cannot predict Down syndrome. They can only shoot up red flags when something looks a little off. The only way to know for sure is to have an amniocentesis, which I’m still 80% against. There are about 7 ultrasound markers to be found in a Down’s baby. Ours only has one of seven. All other organs and measurements appear normal.

Thank you to those of you who read my comment on the last post and prayed. Thank you Melanie for responding so quickly to my e-mail asking for prayer. What I need most is peace. It’s funny because today on Steve’s site I said the word that would get me through the day – my ‘keyword’ – is TRUST. Little did I know how much I would have to work on doing just that.

But I am. I am trusting that, no matter what, God has our best interests in store. No matter what.

I’ll surely keep you posted. I have a regular OB appointment Friday. They will do my glucose test and the AFP blood test which is another way to detect a Down syndrome risk. Later (hopefully sooner rather than later) I will have a specialized ultrasound. After that, who knows.

On a more positive note, they did make Rich an offer that he can’t refuse. It blew us away. I had to read it about 3 times just to believe it. Pinch me, this can’t be real. He’s only 31 years old. What a super success. He didn’t apply for a job. They contacted him because they want him. They really, really want him. Bad.

Good news mixed with not so good news. I am choosing to be positive and until someone shows me medical evidence that cannot be disproven that there is something wrong with my baby I am choosing to believe that he or she is perfectly fine and normal.

As always, thank you for your support and prayers. It all means so much more to me than you know. And, once again, I am praying for you. I am praying that God will doubly bless whoever prays for us. You guys and gals are awesome!! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!