Candid Chatter

Just Say It

A Good Marriage July 26, 2009

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 8:15 am
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Divorce is everywhere.
I am divorced.
My first marriage lasted, ummm, 3 years? Heck, I don’t even remember. I’ve blocked a giant chunk of that part of my life right out of my brain and I don’t enjoy fetching for memories either. I am grateful, as deeply grateful as one can get, that my first husband and I did not have children. He had children. We did not.

Our marriage was not built on a solid foundation. It was built on lies and deceptions. His and mine. I thought he was wealthy. He thought I loved him. It was worse than that, actually, but I am not going to dig for more. I’d like to forget that entire 5 year period of my life, truthfully. I was a bad person in that time. Bad. And, the consequences of my poor decision making rippled through an entire family. Two families.

Fast forward.

I married my sweet Rich in 1999 after about a year and a half of dating. ‘Dating’, ha!, that seems silly. We actually dated for maybe 4 months and then we moved in together. So, we were doing all things married people do, but didn’t actually tie the knot until November of ’99. How common is that these days? It is so common most people don’t even think of it as wrong. But, it is wrong. And, backwards. However, I’ve done it twice now (ex-hub, forever hub). In fact, so many of my friends and family members have done this that it doesn’t make anyone bat an eyelash anymore. Our society is so lame.

Moving on.

I could take you through almost 10 years of marriage and make this post as long as my driveway. Or, I could tell you why our marriage is so good.

I asked Rich why he thinks we have such a great marriage. To make it easy, and since he was bleary-eyed from just waking up, I said “give me three reasons”. He said:

  1. We don’t fight much.
  2. We love each other.
  3. We respect each other.

I agree. My 3 additions:

  1. We have a solid foundation.
  2. We’re honest with each other.
  3. We have learned to compromise. It’s rarely “my way or the highway”.

I wish I could grab every young couple by the ears and sit them down for 30 minutes to fill them with all the wisdom I can muster so they won’t fall into the traps our society has set for them. So they won’t fail. There are so many lies. Too many. If only I could. If only I could AND if only they would listen.

What society tell us is not true.
You can’t be independent and stay married.
You can’t be “right” and stay married.
You can’t lie to one another and stay married.
You can’t be selfish and stay married.
You can’t.
And, those are just a few of the things society says “yes, you can”.

My parents have been married for 37 years.
Rich’s parents have been married for 37 years.
It’s not by accident. At all.
It’s by hard work and commitment.
It won’t always be rosy or fun or romantic.
But, it can always be good.


How have you made your marriage work?
Or, why did your marriage fail?


Slow Fade November 30, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 6:09 am
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By Casting Crowns

I hate this song.


Nine Years Later November 29, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 4:41 am
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Today my youngest sister is getting married. I could not make it to the wedding.

Today is my 9th wedding anniversary.

We will share anniversaries.

I love it!

Nine years later I have been so blessed.


Brianna is 4


Jeremy is 2 1/2


Baby will be here in just a few weeks
(picture is of me)

Thank you, Rich, for asking me to be your wife.
I love you.
You have blessed my life in ways I cannot describe.
Happy Anniversary!

And, Katie, my beautiful little sister…
May you be even more blessed than I.

You will be on my mind all day.
You’re awesome
I love you!!


And Then He Touched Me October 24, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 5:27 am
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Photo courtesy of Google Images

I have told you all that I am the luckiest woman on the planet because of the Knight of Awesomeness I call my husband. And I am. He brings such joy to my life and it would take me all day and too much space to tell you all the reasons why.

I remember when we were still in our 20s driving wherever in his Jeep — if he would touch my leg or hold my hand or kiss my fingers it literally sent sweet shivers up my spine. I would melt inside and I felt so cherished by him. And safe. And secure. I had never felt that way with any other man I had ever been in a relationship with. One thing I knew for sure was that Rich Reed loved me. I had no doubt about that. None.

He still does.

Early this morning, when I was having trouble falling back to sleep, he reached across the pillows and touched me. I melted. Why? I don’t know. Rich must touch me 100 times a day. We’ve been together a long time now and the newness is gone, but he made me melt deep in my heart right then. He rolled over and started to rub my arm and then my upper back. He propped himself up over the pillow to give me a hug and then rolled over and went back to sleep. I fell asleep too — with a smile on my face and cheer in my heart.

He still loves me.

Rich Reed you are still my hero. Thinking of you without the distractions of kids and bills and responsibilities and whatever else ties us down — thinking of you and me and just us — well that makes me melt. I will love you for the rest of my life and beyond.

I don’t care what anyone else says or thinks about me when it comes down to it. Anyone — friends, acquaintances, neighbors, relatives, strangers — can throw stones of any and all varieties my way and it really doesn’t do a thing to me. Ya know why?

Because at the end of the day the one human being on the planet who knows me the best — flaws and all — reaches across the pillow to rub me and to let me know how much he loves me. The one person who matters the most in my heart… that person… well, guess what folks — he loves me and wants to spend every day for the rest of his life with me.

Say what you will. Judge all you want. Go there. It’s fine.
My man loves me and he always will.
Besides Jesus Christ and my children — that is all I’ll ever need.

Who matters most
in your life?