Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Search Items September 20, 2008

To be of utmost assistance to those of you confused by daily life or motherhood or pregnancy or whatever, I have decided to do another post on items searched that landed folks right here.

  1. “trying to conceive has made me bitter” — I so understand. It starts out fun. Then you get your period. Oh well, nobody gets pregnant the first try; you rationalize. You read up on methods that are ‘sure to work’. You try again. Then you get your period. You buy a book or two and maybe some ovulation kits. You try again. Your husband has never had this much sex in his life and he’s thinking he just hit the freakin’ jackpot. You, on the other hand, are starting to become concerned that something is wrong with your female functions. My best advice is this — every other day have sex starting on day 7 in your cycle (day 1 is the day you start your period). If you are not pregnant within 3 months of trying this method, talk to your doctor. Every other day — not every day — not on certain days — you wanna catch that egg then you need to do what I just said — even when you’re bitter. Good luck!!
  2. “no soap lotion before ultrasound” — One question: why the heck not? They use gel anyway. Your belly gets all gunked up and slimy. Huh?
  3. “negative pregnancy test” — either you tested too early (wait a week) or you are not pregnant. False negatives are common. False positives are not common. Good luck!
  4. “symptoms of a miscarriage” — gee whiz… I hate this one. My symptoms were spotting and loss of pregnancy symptoms. I had no cramps, but those are normal too. I also didn’t have heavy bleeding or clots, but these are normal too. I’m sorry.
  5. “I believe divorce is” — Necessary for some; ridiculously selfish for others.
  6. “do down syndrome babies move in ultrasound” — yes, they sure do! If your baby wasn’t moving in ultrasound, he or she was probably asleep. The IMPORTANT thing is that everything is functioning while the baby is still (heart is beating, blood is flowing in and out of placenta/umbilical cord, etc.). Next time drink orange juice about 15 minutes before your appointment. Works every single time. I’ve had probably 100 ultrasounds — trust me, OJ works!!
  7. “Jesus tell me the truth” — Try the New Testament. He does a lot of that in there. Happy seeking!
  8. “I’ve been eating a lot of junk…” — Me too!!! I just had some Almond Coffee Cake and a large glass of milk. I am getting fat this pregnancy and I almost don’t care really. Ha!!
  9. “ok to conceive while husband is sick” — well, that all depends on what is causing him to be sick. If it is Hepatitis, I’d say NO. If it’s the common cold, then hop on him girlfriend!!
  10. “sausage pizza while pregnant ok” — LOL!! You can’t be serious. If that wasn’t OK then my kids would all have something wrong with them. ROFL!!
  11. “pregnancy test getting lighter” — sweetheart, they are no good after a few hours. The lines will fade. I have saved all of my positive pregnancy tests. They all still have lines, but they are all very faint now. Throw it away. Just throw it away. It’s probably gross that I saved all of mine. Yeah, that’s probably really gross on some level. Oh well.
  12. “spot head ultrasound down syndrome” — not necessarily!! Go see a genetic specialist or perinatologist. Seriously, get a referral from your OB or midwife right now and go see a more specialized doctor for a better ultrasound. Trust me!!
  13. “candid nurse” — Someday!! Right now I’m just Candid Chatter.
  14. “recommended breakfast first trimester” — whatever the hell you can keep down!! Good luck with that.
  15. “why is my stomach so big in the first trimester” — because you are short. Me too. I understand and I feel you on this one. Just understand all those hot little tarts who don’t show until they are like 8 months along will get worse stretch marks than you! Well, at least that’s what I like to believe.
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Pregnant & Waddling September 8, 2008

Yes, I am already waddling. I’m 21 weeks pregnant. According to my handy book, What to Expect When You’re Expecting (yes, there is a website now based on the book), I am one week shy of being a full 5 months pregnant. To date, this has been the most difficult off all of my pregnancies. I don’t know if it’s age related or not. I was in better shape when I got pregnant this time, yet I am a physical plethora of aches and pains — head to toe (literally).

Yesterday was a record Sunday here on this site. I realized why. I finally put “pregnant” as a tag. I got over 100 hits on that word alone yesterday. As a result, I had over 300 hits. On a Sunday?? Awesome!

I was reading one of my earlier posts and I was so excited to get 61 hits in a day. If I got 61 hits today I would be like “only 61 hits”. Ya’ll are spoiling me. Thank you for coming. I hope by this time next year I think 300+ hits is a slow day.

Back to pregnancy stuff.

I’m sure a lot of women who search “pregnant” are either trying to get pregnant, think they are but don’t know for sure yet, it’s their first baby, or it has been so long they just don’t remember much. Maybe there are moms of the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and so on who would search “pregnant” looking for some other women in the same boat as them, but I think the others are more likely to do their “pregnant” searches than the ones who have been there and done that a time or two or three or four.

So here’s my little ditty about pregnancy.

Trying to conceive:
This is the easiest part for some and the hardest part for others. Since this is me talking, I’ll have to say (except for Brianna because I was not ovulating and I didn’t know what I was doing) this has been the easiest part. Here is my advice. Throw away all of the books you just bought on trying to conceive. Don’t listen to your mom or your mother-in-law. Don’t chart, check cervical mucous, pee on ovulation sticks, take your morning temps, or any of that baloney. Listen to me. Starting on the 7th day in your cycle — the first day of your cycle is the day you start your period — have sex EVERY OTHER DAY until you are due for your next period or you get a BFP (big fat positive) on a HPT (home pregnancy test). Not EVERY DAY — give the man a break and time for more spermies to be made — EVERY OTHER DAY. It has not failed me yet and this is my 4th pregnancy. If this works for you, return here and let me congratulate you and do a little happy dance in my computer chair. Ok? You’re welcome, by the way.

Early pregnancy symptoms:

You won’t find this valuable and certain information ANYWHERE on the web. Every single site is confusing. Every one. So listen to me here. You will have some symptoms. At least one. If you don’t have ANY symptoms, then I’m sorry to say that this probably isn’t your month. Do not rely on mood swings. Trying to conceive will cause you to become a beastly thing. Esp if it didn’t work the first or second or third try. You will be the beeotch on the street and your husband may stop enjoying sex and start to feel used. You have long since stopped enjoying it, but you want a baby bad enough to keep it up. I know!! Ok – on to early signs and symptoms.

  • Veins that look bluer than usual on your chest, breasts, and underneath of your upper arms.
  • Hunger like never before and you just ate an hour ago.
  • Nausea — however, this usu doesn’t kick in until week 7 and some women never get it.
  • Bloating and a constant feeling of fullness in your low abdomen.
  • Not just mood swings, honey. No, we’re talking you’re about to go on a murderous rampage any minute and your husband will be the first one to get shot. Or you suddenly cry at commercials or YouTube videos.
  • Thirst like you could drink Lake Erie.
  • Vision disturbances.
  • Insomnia — this could also be nerves or stress related.
  • Needing to urinate more frequently. I’m talking like every hour and at least once in the middle of the night. This gets to be extremely annoying, by the way, the further you get in your pregnancy. Once in the middle of the night becomes 2 to 3 times esp when baby does baby gymnastics on your bladder at 3 a.m. Fun times are ahead my newly pregnant friend. Mmm Hmm.

PS: Yes, a faint line is a positive. Congratulations!!

This is your first pregnancy:
One statement — pregnancy sucks from beginning to bitter end. However, you get a baby and that’s what makes us crazy women do it over and over and over again. You won’t enjoy it. Well, you will enjoy some of it. But, for the most part, you will not. Just grin and bear it and repeat after me “it’s worth it”. It truly is.

Been pregnant, but it’s been forever:
Welcome back mom! You forgot a lot huh? Remember round ligament pain? Oh yeah, the 2nd trimester loves to give you those sharp stabbing pains in the belly. How about spider veins and varicose veins? Those are great. Remember the gross icky discharge that starts about halfway through. You’ll remember soon enough. How about putting pillows between your legs at night so you can freakin’ sleep? They make these awesome snuggle pillows now that go around your whole body. Go. Buy. One. Now. Babies R Us. You’re welcome! It will all come flooding back to you and then you can come online here and rant about it if you want to. I’ll listen. I surely will. I’ll chime in too.

Pregnant again, not so soon after the last one:
You can offer your own advice and tidbits of info. Feel free, girl. I’m right there with ya! My youngest is 2 1/2 and his sister is only 19 months older than him. It was a race against time for us — trying to get all the babies born before I turn 36. We did it!! This one is due mid-Jan and I won’t be 36 until May. Whew!!

Thanks for visiting Candid Chatter. Keep commenting folks. That’s what makes this blog so great — YOU!!

 

The Journey May 28, 2008

Know what this means?

Yes, you got it. I am pregnant. Rejoice, rejoice, celebrate, celebrate!! Right?

Wrong!

I have contemplated for some time when the *best* time to post this would be. I was planning to do it on Friday (of last week). I had an ultrasound that day and longed to come home and make the announcement on my blog. However, there wasn’t enough baby to see that day. I saw a yolk sac and something that resembled a tiny hot dog bun (which is the developing embryo). The ultrasound tech told me to come back in about 10 days for a repeat scan. My appointment is June 3rd. A week away. I then decided to wait until after that ultrasound to post the news on here.

However, as usual, I have changed my mind. The reason? Because there are so many women (and men?) who hit my site every single day regarding miscarriage. I figured I would start telling my story. It shouldn’t be as private as it is in our society. We don’t usually talk about the ins and outs of getting pregnant and staying pregnant. We celebrate a pregnancy and a birth. We try to comfort those who have experienced loss. But we don’t typically talk about the in-between time.

Since finding out my news the nervousness started. I found out on May 10th. The day before Mother’s Day. Excited, yes. But it only lasted a few hours. Once the excitement wore off the worry settled in. Deeply. I am a compulsive toilet paper checker now. I analyze every little twinge in my body. Are my boobs sore enough? Was that a cramp? Is that a brown spot on the tp? Am I nauseous enough? Shouldn’t I be more tired than I am? Shouldn’t I be hating certain smells yet? Shouldn’t I be craving weird foods? Sausage isn’t weird enough! I should want sausage covered in chocolate or something, right?

Over

Analyzing

Everything

So I got a yeast infection last week. Nice. I started treating it with Monistat 7 like the nurse told me to. Fine. Sunday I felt pretty good down there and, even though I’m still treating “it”, I had sex. Immediately following, I started spotting pink. Oh no! Oh no no no no no!!

Monday was a miserable day for me. So the frantic thoughts started.
“Ok, I had a vaginal ultrasound Friday, been treating a yeast infection, had sex Sunday — it could just be that my cervix is irritated. Right? No cramping – check. No clots – check. Barely noticeable pinkish and not every time I go potty – check. Getting lighter, not heavier – check.”

Worried. Nerves on end.

As soon as 8:30 rolled around Tuesday morning I was on the phone with my doc’s office. Nurse tells me not to worry. I feel sick as a dog. “Is it nausea from being pregnant, or am I that worried that I am making myself sick?” At the doctor’s office by 11:15. Doctor is awesome. Same one who helped me through my miscarriage and did my D&C procedure. She’s excellent and very, very compassionate. She tells me my cervix is long and hard and sealed shut — good news! She says on the previous ultrasound there is a little blood behind the placenta — that may be making its way out. She says she can’t tell me much more until after my next scan which is June 3rd. She said my cervix could very well be irritated — common in pregnancy — and no sex until she says so. I think I held my breath the whole time she was talking/examining me. She told me that she is not concerned and not to worry. I let my breath out.

I trust this doctor. She was “there” that day, December 11th, when I found out my baby had died. She met me in the OR waiting room and told me everything would be OK the next day when I was waiting for the D&C to begin. She did my surgery. She called me the next day. She saw me a few weeks later. She reassured me that what I was going through and feeling was normal. She called me again after I got the positive pregnancy test a few weeks ago. She is one awesome doctor!

After my appointment yesterday I was in a much better mood. She gave me the comfort I needed and it lasted all day.

This morning — different story. More pink.

I am still sick to my stomach, very tired, boobs are very sore and full, moods swinging in all directions so much so that I don’t trust my judgment on anything. And so on.

But the worst thing I am experiencing in all of this??

Not what I expected at all.

I don’t trust Him.

God.

Not with this.

It makes me cry. It breaks my heart. I don’t want to feel this way. I ask Him to help me trust Him. I start to and then I crawl back inside myself. My best friend, the lover of my soul, my most cherished companion, my heavenly daddy… I am struggling so much with it…

And. It. Crushes. Me.

All good news? I don’t know yet. It’s too early to tell. But I hope so.

Please pray. Please.

So this is the beginning. Here’s hoping in the end I have a healthy, normal, vibrant baby.

Hope.

I hope.

 

Baby Dancing April 27, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 8:42 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Here’s hoping it worked!

Initially, I really wasn’t sure about sharing this with all of you. My fear of losing another baby made me feel that I wouldn’t want to endure the pain of having to explain another loss. The phone call I made to my husband after the dreadful ultrasound from the parking lot of the doctor’s office to tell him our baby had died was the worst thing in the world for me. The 2nd phone call I made to my dad was the 2nd worst thing in the world for me. I doubt either man will ever forget it. I know I won’t. I think if my dad could have crawled through the phone to get to me he would have. My parents lost 4 babies through miscarriage. He understood perfectly what had just hit me, how hard, and exactly how deep my pain was right then. And that is precisely what I needed at that moment. I think my husband was just speechless. Dumbfounded. Bewildered.

I have said before that I won’t spread the word of my next confirmed pregnancy until I feel like we are out of the woods. There will be a lot more testing in the first trimester this time around. Blood, urine, ultrasound. If I start to spot, things could get very bad for me emotionally. The 8 1/2 week marker will be a very nerve-wracking time. That’s when I lost the last one. I know I’ll be feeling like “just get me to 12 weeks” the whole time. Then when I fail the glucose test (which I will b/c I’ve had gestational diabetes twice now), I will be all nervous again with more tests esp at the end: blood, urine, heart monitor for the baby, ultrasound, contraction monitor for me, etc. Not to mention, I will be 35 next month. That puts me in the “mature mommy” category. This means I will have the choice to do an extra ultrasound for Downs Syndrome along with the regular AFP tests as well as an amniocentesis (think very looong needle thru my stomach into the amniotic sac for fluid that surrounds the baby — a potentially dangerous procedure which I will probably decline anyway).

Getting pregnant is the fun (and easy) part. Staying pregnant is the challenge.

I am sure I will be sharing this journey to growing our family by one more. Most of you know by now that I am not shy. Nor do I find many things to be strictly personal. I am a pretty open book over here. Not easily embarrassed either. Well, unless you want me to speak in front of people. Heh! That’s when I clam up and shut down. Anyway, I will let all of you know once we have told our closest family and friends.

So stay tuned. Rich and I are still “baby dancing” about every other day. I have been told that after a miscarriage women are usually pretty fertile. We shall see. It has been 4 1/2 months since our baby died. Long enough to start trying and short enough to still be fertile; if that isn’t an Old Wives Tale. My monthly cycles are all whacko screwy right now too, so I have no real idea when to expect my period. What I’ll probably do us wait to test until I’m at 40 days if no signs of menstruation by then. Don’t hold your breath b/c I have quite a way to go before I’m 40 days into it.

Please keep praying. I appreciate prayer more than I can express.

Thanks.

PS: I am so humbled that I have an audience. You precious souls tipped my board over 5000 hits today! I wish I knew who the 5000th person was. That would be neat! When I started this I was afraid to put a stats counter on here. I didn’t think I’d get 1000 hits in a year. Thank you for reading Candid Chatter. Please come often and please comment. I LOOOVE comments!

 

I am Ready Now April 24, 2008

I had another short-lived emotional breakdown yesterday while preparing breakfast for myself. The kids were off playing in Brianna’s bedroom and Rich was still sleeping. I walked to the fridge to put the eggs away and noticed with absolute clarity the two pictures of my Grandma. Big sad sigh. I stared at them for a moment remembering that summer when I was 12. I stayed with her in Georgia for a month. That was probably my most memorable vacation. In fact, this morning while lying in bed with my husband and squirmy little boy my mind drifted off to that vacation again. Another big sad sigh.

Anyway, I sat down at the table to pray over my food and thank God for my blessings when I crumbled. It has been a long time, it seems, since I asked God to kiss my baby for me. See the trigger? I get sad about one thing and it inevitably brings me to thoughts of that. So then I was all tears and “why” questions and feeling very sorry for myself. After about 2 minutes of blubbering in prayer to the Lord, I wiped the tears from my cheeks and eyes and regained my composure incase my kids came out of their play. I don’t like for them to see me cry too much because it worries them, esp Brianna.

I have been dreadfully hateful towards my husband for 2 solid days. Yesterday, I was also very short-tempered with my wonderful children. None of them deserves that. Why was I acting that way? I started soul-searching. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, it is because I am ready to try to conceive and I was afraid Rich would shoot me down. Incase I haven’t told you, he doesn’t want any more children. He is perfectly content with two – a girl and a boy. I am not and, for this human life, I will fight. I will not submit to him this time.

I come from a background of people who cherish human life. It’s not that my husband doesn’t, but his family has no trouble with “family planning”. His mom has made comments several times about how crazy people are who have “so many children”. She hasn’t a clue how this hurts me. She doesn’t mean it in a hurtful way either. I think she realizes SHE could never handle a big family so she can’t wrap her mind around those who do. My mom & dad raised seven children – I am the firstborn. My mom’s mom & dad raised 8 children – she’s the third born. My dad’s mom & dad raised 13 children – he’s the 4th born. Women in our family have been pregnant my whole life. It’s always someone.

I want 4 children, always have. Heck, my favorite number is 4. So strange to have a favorite number. Oh well, it is. Rich will have none of that. It was hard enough to convince him of two. Then we agreed on three. I can’t see 4 ever happening unless it’s the Hand of God. And it would have to be a miraculous conception because after the next baby I will have my tubes tied. Or adoption… which I am totally open to… however, Rich is not.

So last night when I went to bed Rich came in as usual to say good night. I was reading the Bible and tried to ignore him. It didn’t work. He was upset that I had been treating him so badly. Finally, I told him why. I told him that I am ready to try to make another baby and I was afraid of his response. He reminded me that I know how he feels, however, he will give in. See we both know once that baby is born he will be so in love with him/her just like he is with the two we already have. In that sense, it’s ok with him. But if left up to him we would be done. He looks at it from a financial point of view. I look at it from an emotional and spiritual point of view. In my opinion, this sheds a whole bunch of light on how differently we were raised in this area. In my family, babies weren’t planned around finances. My family just had them and prayed for God to provide. And He always did. His family plans their finances first. Nothing wrong with that, I guess (???). But, to me, it’s foolishness to pick money over human life. Absurd!

So please pray for us. Pray that Rich will have peace. Pray that I will be patient and kind and tenderhearted during the process. Pray that once pregnant I will have peace and won’t worry, esp during the first trimester.

Most importantly, please pray for the baby we are trying to conceive — that he or she will be healthy and normal.

Thank you!