Candid Chatter

Just Say It

Happy New Year December 28, 2009

So, talk amongst yourselves. I have news for you to discuss. It will come as a shock to some and others will just roll their eyes and still others will wonder what I mean by “a shock”.

The kids got a big surprise for Christmas. I had a hard time making the decision and initially decided against it. But, Moms are suckers for their kids’ happiness and addicted to their smiles… so…

Please join together in welcoming our newest family member.
A Star is born!

“Star” is a standard poodle

She was born on December 15th. My mother-in-law’s dog and my sister-in-law’s dog made whoopie and when dogs make whoopie little dogs are born. Did you know that? We all suspected on Thanksgiving that “Mocha” was preggers because her nipples were astronomically huge. She sure was. Her litter was 8 pups. Five survived. “Star” will come home to live with us at the end of February. My kids are overwhelmed with excitement about their dog and that makes me happy.

Happy New Year folks. Why not try this on for a resolution this year…! Why don’t you resolve to do something kind to your fellow human anonymously. No glory for you. Just the pure white satisfaction in your heart that you caused a kindness in someone’s life and nobody knows it was you ‘cept God.

See you soon!


The Duggar Family September 5, 2009

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 8:56 am
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What do you think about the Duggars?

Do you have
the right to judge
them for their family
size or religious beliefs?


I Salute You February 14, 2009


To all the single moms and dads out there… I salute you.

For the past year, my husband has worked so many hours that I have felt the majority of the time that I am a single parent. I hope that doesn’t sound insensitive to a single parent’s situation. I mean no disrespect. It’s just that I am really tired. I can imagine how hard single parenting really is.

When my husband works so much that my kids only see him for 5 minutes in the morning Monday through Friday, I feel very alone. We get him all day on Saturday, thank God. Sunday he serves all morning at the church. By the time he gets home, the kids are in bed for their naps. They only get to see him about 5 hours on Sundays because of this conflict in his schedule. I half begged him last week to quit the ministry he volunteers for. We need him home. I need him home.

I am thankful that I don’t really know what it’s like to be completely on my own with my three kids. But I want you single parents to know that I think of you and I completely take off my hat to you. Your job, my friends, is the hardest job on the planet.

I salute you.


Many Years Later December 5, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 1:48 pm
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A certain person I know has, for years, said negative and demeaning things about people who have large families. Things like “they’re crazy”, “they must be nuts”, “how can they give their kids enough attention”, “it’s ridiculous (or irresponsible) to have that many kids”. And so on.

Believe it or not, I have kept my mouth shut — taking it with a grain of salt each time.
That is, until today.

I have had it up to my hairline and beyond with these kinds of remarks. It doesn’t help that this person and I had a heated discussion yesterday regarding the dumbest advice I think I’ve ever been given by a person who has no right even breathing a word on the subject considering this person’s lack of responsible behavior in a certain area. That is vague on purpose.

My parents raised 7 children. My paternal grandparents raised 13 while my maternal grandparents raised 8. To say I come from a big family is the understatement of the year. I believe I have somewhere around 75 first cousins with both families combined. I have no idea how many of those cousins have produced children of their own. I’m sure the numbers now are well over 100 with first and second cousins combined. And we’re still having children. Some of my first cousins are still under the age of 10. I think a couple may even be under age 5. Huge family! Absolutely humongous!

In my family segment, my precious parents (who have been married for over 36 years) have their ninth grandchild on the way (our wee one). One of my sisters is trying to get pregnant with her 2nd. One of my sisters has three girls. My brother has 2 girls. My youngest sister just got married last weekend. Two of my siblings are in serious relationships, but not married yet. That leaves a whole bunch of room for more nieces and nephews for me and many more grandchildren for my parents of awesomeness. I think Christmas, one day, will be unbelievably expensive for all of us. Yikes!!

So for anyone to condemn large families to me is like calling my entire family a bunch of idiots.

Not a good idea.
It’s an even worse idea while I’m all chock full of hormones and 8 months pregnant.
Yeah. Dumb move.

So I did what any upstanding young woman with her third child on the way would do. I shot the person dead and now I’m going to jail.

Nah. In my mind I wanted to rip out hair and poke out eyeballs though.

First of all, both of my lovely heathens were fighting and yelling in the seat right behind me. The person on the phone heard the commotion and said “what would you do if you had 10 of them”. I said “I’d throw every last one out the window”. We chuckled. Then the person said “well what do you think about people who do have 10 kids then — they are nuts, aren’t they”? I stopped the chuckle right then. “You know what” I said. “You’ve been saying derogatory things about people who have a lot of kids for many years now and I’ve put up with it. I’ve been patient. I’ve been kind. But you must understand that when you say things like that you are putting down my entire family and that hurts my feelings. I don’t like it even a little bit and it doesn’t amuse me.” The person sounded taken aback and said “what well I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I just mean that I couldn’t handle it”. I received and accepted an apology and then quickly got off the phone.

Right after that the girls at Subway started in on me having a girl and a boy already and what made me decide to have another child since I have one of each. I must be crazy they say and all three laugh it up. I played along. Deep inside I was painfully aware of the way I am viewed by society. I have too many kids. I am crazy to want more. How do I do what I do? Why? How? Ha ha ha this is so funny and entertaining.


It’s not funny. It’s not entertaining.
It’s disgusting.

I am proud of my family. I am proud of my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins who have decided to grow their families despite what anyone else thinks or says. I had a wonderful childhood. I would change nothing about it. I love my family deeply.

I’m sick of being the butt of jokes. I am sick of being the circus who just arrived because it’s oh such a novelty to ask Heidi to tell the whole room full of people how many cousins/aunts/uncles or whatnot she has. I can hear the circus music play as the laughter fills the room along with the wide-eyed expressions on the faces of unbelieving or astonished people.

My family is not a circus.
My family is not crazy.
My family is awesome.

If it were up to me, I’d have more children. Not the natural way, however. But if Rich would open his heart to it I’d certainly adopt — at least one, maybe more.

I love kids.
I grew up surrounded by love.
My family may not have lots of money, but they sure do have lots of love.
An overabundance of it, in fact.

And. It. Makes. Me. Proud.


Summer Gets It November 17, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 5:46 am
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I took the kids to the playground today. We have a favorite one in a really cool neighborhood that we frequent. I waddled over to the swings and began my exercises of the day pushing both kids on two different swings. Don’t think that’s exercise? Try it. Now try it with a bowling ball strapped to your stomach. I dare ya!

Anyway. There was a darling young woman pushing her daughter next to us. She asked me the typical “when are you due” question. I told her “in 8 more weeks… January”. Not one ounce of shock or judgment on her pretty face. I instantly liked her. She replied “awww, I just love pregnant women — I loved being pregnant — well, that is, until the end”. I was all shocked and dramatic making faces and laughing because pregnancy is not something I enjoy except for the fetal movement. I said “well this is the end pretty much — third trimester and all”. She grinned. Lovely gal. Just lovely.

{Pause for a note to my friend LB: she reminded me of you — she had your personality to a “T”}

The kids did their normal round-the-playground routine. I followed as closely as my short little legs could manage. Rock wall, rings, slide, bridge, stairs, “watch this mom”, “see what I can do mom”, hang from bars, try to climb palm tree, throw mulch, find shells, back to the swings, etc. Fun for them and exhausting for me. Huff Puff Huff Puff.

Mrs. Personality came back over to the swings when we were there for our 2nd go. She talked about wanting a 3rd child too and how ready she is to start trying. I guess her husband is resisting. I told her mine did too (someday I’ll tell the whole story — still not ready yet). She said she wasn’t sure how hard to fight for it. I told her “some things are worth fighting for”. She smiled sweetly.

Jeremy called from across the playground wanting my help. She offered to go get him off the ladder and I scooted over to push her little girl on the swing. Brianna was going pretty high so she didn’t protest. We thanked one another and kept chit-chatting. Turns out we had a few things in common regarding our opinions of our city and a snooty neighborhood we both used to live in. We had a couple laughs.

After a bit she decided to go home to get lunch for her two girls. She was there with a friend who was also pregnant and looking very tired of chasing her little one. I understood. So we said goodbye and “nice chatting with you” and she wished me luck with the yet unborn wee one. I thanked her and she left.

Have you ever met someone completely out of nowhere and wanted to be friends?

Two things that left a happy feeling in my heart.
1. She mentioned she goes to church and works in the nursery — this makes me happy because it could very well mean she’s a born-again Christian which means even if I don’t see her again in this life, I’ll surely look her up in the next.
2. She put the word community into action — this is what we are missing in our society. She’s the link.

Her name is Summer. And Summer, by golly, you get it. You are the “it” chick. Not because you’re pretty. Not because you live in a nice neighborhood. Not because you have a cool hairstyle and cool sunglasses. No. It’s because you are friendly — genuinely friendly — and you love to laugh and you ooze joy. I can imagine when your husband kisses you good night he pinches himself he’s so lucky. I’ll bet he knows the blessing you are in his life. I hope your daughters grow up to be just like you.

And I would love to be your friend. Just not sure we’ll ever meet again. But if we do…
Well, I’ll see what God has in mind.

You’re the real deal, Summer. So many people could take a lesson from you. Too many.

And — I cannot believe you liked being pregnant. I happen to believe you have forgotten a lot.


How Many is Too Many? September 22, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 11:27 am
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Know what’s been happening to me a lot lately? I’ll tell you since you’ll never guess.

I get this comment every day that I am out of my house by some ignoramous.
“Why are you having another baby when you already have a girl and a boy?”
And the ignoramous who asks me this question is serious. I think this ignoramous also has a lot of guts to ask a hormonal, outspoken, pregnant chick such an ignorant and personal question. It’s like teasing a rattlesnake. Dumb move.

So what am I to do? This side of me thinks I ought to start shooting the people who say these airheaded things to put them out of their absolute misery. This side of me feels a need to explain the personal decision my husband and I made about the size of our family.

The next assumption is this… “so I suppose this is your last then”. As if that is anyone’s business in the first place.

Who decided it was ok to ask complete strangers about their family choices and plans? Who made it perfectly normal to say these things to pregnant women or their spouses?

How absurd that society thinks I have a big family because of my soon to be 3 children. I’ll show you a big family. I’ll show you the best childhood ever and the most love ever and the greatest family on the planet. I’ll show you all of my aunts and uncles and cousins; my mom and dad and siblings; my grandparents and nieces and nephews. You’ve never seen such a family I guess. Holidays are absolute blow-out events. Fun for the entire family. More presents under a Christmas tree than you’ve ever laid your beedy little eyes on.

I have decided not to give a true response anymore. From now on I am going to say this…
They ask me: “why are you having another baby when you already have a girl and a boy”
I am going to say:to rid the world of people who ask ignorant and personal questions they have no business asking — if there are more of us, then there are less of you”

They might say: “so I suppose this is your last child then”
My response: uh, yeah, last time I checked the size of my family was not up for discussion — esp with a perfect stranger”

What do you think?
Will it work?
It’s like the idiot
who asks a non-pregnant
woman when she’s due!!


Jolted September 19, 2008

Filed under: Life... The Way I See It — candidchatter @ 8:37 am
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My daughter is very dramatic and very sensitive. She gets both of these traits from yours truly. Hard to imagine, I know, I know. LOL!!

Well the other day she was screaming about something and burried her head into my stomach as she screamed. The baby in my tum jumped and squirmed all about like it had been jolted wide awake and had the crap scared out of it. It was so startling for me (and obviously for it too) that I pulled Brianna away to tell her what just happened. She ended up laughing her rear end off — as did I. It was the neatest, coolest, weirdest thing. Poor baby. But the good news is he or she has great hearing!!

My friend SW came over yesterday for coffee and a visit. Right before she left Jeremy stuck his face in my stomach and shouted “wake up baby”. We laughed ourselves silly. I told her this story.

Kids — they are so dang cute!

Have a wonderful Friday. I hope this day you are filled with joy! Thanks for coming over to Candid Chatter. Warm fuzzies to everyone.